Dear Scene,

It’s only the first month, and it feels like every time I leave my dorm, I run into my opps. How do I deal with seeing all these people all the time for the rest of the semester?

— Cornered Classmate

Three weeks into the year, students are back and busy, connecting with friends, loved ones, and the clubs they left behind in the spring. Unfortunately, it is unavoidable that while reconnecting with those we love, we’ll run into those we don’t. Shocking as it may be, we writers at Student Life are not just journalists: we’re people, too. And we know the pain of running into old nemeses who are roaming about. We, like you, have learned to share this campus with those we may not favor.

So, armed with experience and the agony of failed friendships, relationships, and situationships of all kinds, I bring to you a guide on how to avoid said grievously disdained peers on campus, and what to do when you cannot. For your reading pleasure and convenience, I will offer this advice to you in list form, starting with people you simply dislike and ending with those whom you cannot bear to spend even a moment with.

First up are those with whom you just don’t jive. This may be someone who’s wronged you in a minor way, who makes your skin crawl, or even a mutual friend whom you dislike. This is normal! When living, working, and sharing a community with 8,000 other people of similar age, we aren’t going to get along with all of them. So if you’re dreading finding yourself in an extended conversation that is oh-so awkward, or are walking by someone who seems like they are slowing down to chat … this is what I suggest:

Headphones and earbuds are your friend. Whether you pretend you’re immersed in a podcast, a heated conversation, or just lost in your music, it’s a good way to suggest you’re otherwise occupied without having to say anything of the sort. Rushing to class or a meeting is a similarly great excuse. Overall, the best move with these situations is to divert and move on. Think of yourself as a slippery eel and the pavement outside Olin Library as the sea — just slide on past them.

Genuinely though, the best way to best someone is with maturity. Smile and wave or stop to say hi, but keep it brief, and be civil. By taking the high road, you can easily make someone’s day just a bit more bearable — and there is power in that.

Next is group two: past lovers. Now, these relationships need not have ended poorly for just the sight of their face to incite humiliation. Frankly, it is just awkward to see someone who knows you in an intimate context on your way to Spanish at eight in the morning, or when you’re in your pajamas, hunched over a bowl of soup, eating dinner alone (true story). There is no real solution to this, especially if you are living on campus. Looking your worst at times is unavoidable when the dining halls, laundry room, and gym are extensions of your home. There are two paths here: either you attempt to look your best at all times so you can’t be caught in a poor moment, or you get really familiar with the hiding spots around populated areas. That table obscured by bushes? It might as well have your name written on it.

In all honesty, seeing past partners can be very painful, regardless of how the relationship concluded. Leaning on those who love you — so you don’t have to face exes alone and to commiserate — is a good way to avoid worsening any relationships. Overall, take care of yourself, be gentle and forgiving, and have some grace if the process of moving on and healing isn’t linear.

Last are those who have caused you genuine pain or suffering. Whether they were maliciously or accidentally cruel, if these peers dropped off the face of the earth, all you would feel is relief. Maybe they fill you with terror or just rage, and you imagine egging them every time you pass each other in the DUC. My advice for these is to lean into what feels good. If what you need is to whisper to your companion how upset they make you feel, go for it! If, instead, it’s to avoid contact with a fervor or swerve around them in crowds, that’s okay too.

For some advice that’s a bit more tangible, there are groups on campus that can help you place your anger or grief. Uncle Joe’s and S.A.R.A.H.’s helplines are peer resources created to support you. If you are looking for something more long-term, they can connect you to therapy services in or outside WashU. Further, the RSVP Center provides counseling and can support you in switching out of a class if needed, depending on the circumstances. You are never alone in your feelings; this community is here to encourage and bolster you. Rely on it.

Overall, college can sometimes feel like a merciless social experiment, toying with you via insularity and humiliating twists of fate. As painful, embarrassing, and inciting of anger as this can be, know that we are all here alongside you. Try to take some joy in it, revel in the irony or dark hilarity of your situation, and hold a competition to see who has the worst opp. Trust that with time, the discomfort will fade. You are capable and competent, and your opps will crumble before you. Go forth and be merry!

Your friends, 

Scene