Maddie Chiu | Student Life

Three bagels from the St. Louis Bread Company were cut using the bread slicing machine called Oliver 711 Bread Slicer.

What is the St. Louis bagel? So, remember when I mentioned logically slicing the bagel horizontally to create two symmetrical bagel pieces for a sensible bagel sandwich? Well, thanks to the St. Louis Bread Company (or Panera Bread), we have bagels sliced into several vertical pieces.

They take the orthodox bagel and liberate it from its imprisoning “O” shape to become just oddly-shaped bread slices. It’s like the bagel version of “go forth and be whatever you want.” No longer must bagels be just two circular slices. Now they can come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. I like to think that the St. Louis bagel is happier in this form because it got rid of the hole in its life.

So, I went with an open mind to the local St. Louis Bread Company and ordered three sliced bagels. I observed as the employee put three normal bagels into a bread slicing machine called the Oliver 711 Bread Slicer, which sounds like a Doofenshmirtz creation. The machine proceeds to wiggle out the mysterious and magical sliced bagels.

My first impression is that I don’t need to gnaw through the outer layer of the bagel and can just bite on the soft white inside, which is a plus. There is also a lot more surface area (two sides!) to spread cream cheese.

Regarding the odd shapes, there are 3 different general shapes. There’s the oval-shaped piece, which, when separated from the bagel looks like it could have been cut from bread. There’s also the smaller circular piece from the middle of the sliced bagel, which allows for it to be eaten in a single bite. If you squint hard enough, maybe it can be an hors d’oeuvre.

Then, there’s the eccentric one. It’s basically shaped like a 2D dumbbell or an eight or a sunglass. I’m not really sure what the point is. Maybe I’m supposed to bend it in half and make a sandwich? Or is it just here for me to exercise my creative muscles?

Overall, this sliced bagel may sound like driving on the wrong side of the road on purpose, but there are some obvious advantages to St. Louis style bagels. If you have a surplus of toppings or just love toppings, you can smear double the amount and make several small bagel sandwiches with its complementary slice.

You can snack on slices instead of tearing mouthfuls from the bagel itself. It’s also easier to share with friends, so no one has to bravely attempt to slice the bagel with a plastic knife while everyone else watches uncomfortably.

My final conclusion is that the St. Louis bagel is a yay, not a nay, and we should all try it at some point since we are in St. Louis anyway.