It’s that time of year again, time to get WILD! That’s right, head on down to Brookings Quadrangle to hear the legendary Carly Rae Jepsen this Friday—Wait, what? You’re not going to WILD? That’s understandable. Personally, I can’t get through one Carly Rae Jepsen song (at least not when I’m sober). I can’t imagine trying to stand through a whole concert. Plus, why waste a perfectly good Friday night doing something stupid like going to a free concert with all of your friends? So, if you’re looking for something to do while the rest of the student body crams into Brookings Quad, look no further—I’ve got you covered. Here is Lee Whitehead’s List of Five Wacky fun things to do instead of go to WILD!

1. HAVE FUN IN YOUR ROOM (by yourself)

Since everyone else in your suite will be at WILD, you’ll have the whole room to yourself! You can do whatever you want; the possibilities are endless! You could practice yodeling like you’ve always wanted! You could listen to your own slappin’ tunes, which I’m sure are just, like, so much better than Carly Rae Jepsen. You could walk around buck naked! You could practice yodeling to your favorite tunes while buck naked! And nobody will say anything because you’re ALL ALONE! FUN!

2. GO TO THE BEAR’S DEN (by yourself)

Now, picture this: You just finished class or work, your stomach is angrier than a constipated dog, and you just want some of that sweet greasy goodness before you get back to the grind. So you drag your sorry self into Bear’s Den, but the place is crawling with kids. Freshmen crowd around the Grizzly Grill, stacking into lines that belong at a music festival. Well, you won’t have to worry about that, because since literally everyone else will be gone this Friday, you can just waltz into Bear’s Den like the Queen of England and get whatever you want with NO LINES! Get yourself a cozy booth (PARTY TABLE, party of one) and take in the atmosphere as you sink your teeth into some steamy chicken tenders. You know what I say, a half-and-half makes one wholesome meal! YAY!

3. GO TO OLIN LIBRARY (by yourself)

Now, if you’re really crazy, if you really want to give fun the finger this Friday, then head on over to Olin Library and get some work done. It’s not like we came to this school to have fun, right? No, we came here to do WORK, BABY! So, grab your books and get going. No rush, though; it’s not going to be crowded. Sit at that table or chair that you’ve had your eyes on for the past month, lounge on the comfortable couches in the upper floors or revel in the cool, crypt-like air of the lower floors. Maybe you can silently smile at the other five kids there who’re too-school-for-cool, take pride in the fact that your productivity is going through the roof. Work it, bro. Make that A. WHOO!

4. YOU CAN…

For those of you who haven’t caught on yet, here is what you should really do this Friday:

GO TO THE CONCERT

You will always be busy here at Warsh-Yew. It’s not going to get easier. Yes, you can do all of the things listed above, but come on. You have to let it all out every once in a while, or trust me, you’re going to go a little crazy. Plus, it’s not like you’re having to drop $50 or something on concert tickets: It’s FREE. And Carly Rae Jepsen might not be the pinnacle of modern sound, but how often do you get to see a real life meme? Seriously? Jesus Christ on a Fire Truck, why would you not do this? This is an experience being served up on a silver platter. Find your friends, put down that paper, close those books and go to WILD!

Did you pick option 4? Check out our Cadenza Staff’s WILD B·I·N·G·O card!