Content warning: This article contains discussion of death and suicide. Resources and helplines can be found at the end of the article.

Dion Hines | Managing Forum Editor

There is a famous poem by Jessica Watson that compares grief to carrying a stone in your pocket. When I got the phone call a few weeks ago telling me that a family member had taken their own life, that stone felt more like a boulder to me. I dragged my confusion, my sadness, my guilt, and my worry around campus like a ball and chain. Life felt surreal, and wherever I went, I couldn’t understand how I was supposed to carry on with life like normal when something so tragic had happened. From that moment on, I had my very own stone that will stay with me for life.

Carrying the stone of grief is an inevitable part of the human experience. Sooner or later, we will all have to grieve someone or something in our lives. Yet despite this, grieving individuals are often expected by society to continue life as normal. We are told that it is okay to feel emotions, but we also feel a subconscious expectation of not taking up too much space or being too much of an inconvenience to others. For students, the grieving process can be especially difficult, as there are very few policies in place at WashU that give students adequate space to grieve while attempting to manage their academics. Everyone, including students, deserves space to grieve loved ones without repercussion or delay in their education. 

College students face unique challenges in the grieving process due to a lack of institutional support. Studies show that 22%-30% of college students have experienced the loss of a family member or friend within the past 12 months. Despite the prevalence of grieving students on college campuses, many institutions, including WashU, do not have specific policies that serve as protections for grieving students. While society is often not kind to those in the workplace who are grieving either, almost 91% of U.S. jobs have the bare minimum “days of bereavement,” where employees are offered one to five days off to grieve, attend services, and anything else the mourning process requires. 

This is not the case for college students. Instead, the student is expected to email each of their professors individually and coordinate absences, assignments, and exams. This places undue responsibility on professors to make decisions on how to manage grieving students, with no guidelines on what to do or how to accommodate. In addition to this, a grieving student may find it hard to reach out individually to three to six professors and coordinate for each and every  one of their classes. Blanket grieving policies would make it easier on professors and students when inevitable loss arrives. 

“Despite the prevalence of grieving students on college campuses, many institutions, including WashU, do not have specific policies that serve as protections for grieving students.”

Despite lack of general policies for grieving students, there are many support resources for those on campus who have recently experienced a loss. While students can take advantage of various support groups and counseling resources on campus, these opportunities may be inconvenient or inaccessible since many sessions are only available during “business” hours, when many students are in class. In addition to this, trying to manage a host of academic and extracurricular responsibilities while also seeking support can be difficult, especially for underclassmen students who are already in a transitional period of their lives.

One may argue that as adults we must be responsible for managing the difficult experiences that come with life, and I agree with this. However, it is reasonable to expect support and protection when going through something that each and every last human being will experience. Grief is as human as love, anger, sadness, lust, and happiness, yet our institutions isolate those who are grieving and leave them to shoulder the stone of grief by themselves. The institutions we exist under should do the bare minimum and offer consolation and support to those experiencing loss. Whether it be a few days off or protections for missing a few assignments, sometimes a tiny fallback can end up being the greatest help for those experiencing loss. It can be a chance for them to collect their thoughts, sit with their emotions, and figure out what life looks like for them going forward. 

None of us are ever alone in carrying that perpetual stone. I have experienced amazing compassion from my professors, friends, and family, likely due to them being able to sympathize with my experience in some sort of way. It should not, however, just be on us to support ourselves through loss. While I encourage students and faculty at WashU to continue to have a community mindset toward loss and grief, I also encourage the administration to take steps to ensure there are policies in place for students who are grieving. It can be a simple step into making campus a safer place for all of us who are, and who will, carry that stone with us. 

If you or someone you know has experienced a recent loss and would like support, the following are a few resources offered on campus for grieving individuals: 

WashU Cares Office

314-935-3566

[email protected]

WashU Office for Religious, Spiritual & Ethical Life 

314-935-5257

[email protected]

WashU Center for Counseling & Psychological Services

314-935-6695 

Uncle Joe’s Peer Counseling & Resource Center

314-935-5099