David Wang | Staff Illustrator

Housing drama is almost inevitable while picking where to live in college. Every year, we have to decide where to live and who to live with, choosing from a pool of our peers and places on or near campus. If you opt to live in WashU housing, this drama is built into the system — most often, you move from one roommate your freshman year, to three suitemates your sophomore year, to two suitemates junior year and senior year.

Maybe you need to decide which four friends you will share a suite with or how your friends will split up to move off-campus. Or maybe you have a group figured out, but you are debating whether to live in the Village or the 40, or on Pershing or Kingsbury. These decisions can create more than your average friendship spat, which makes the stakes of choosing housing seem unnecessarily high. 

Yet housing decisions do not need to be so fraught. Not living with your friends is not the end-all, be-all of your housing situation, and your housing situation is not the end-all, be-all of your friendships. 

Where to live

In disagreements over where to live, I recommend each person rank their priorities. For each of your housing options, write out the pros and cons and how they translate to these priorities. As you discuss these pros and cons, try to find a place that fits between your respective preferences, with everyone making some compromises. If you share any priorities, seek out places with those boxes checked before evaluating everything else about them.

Who to live with

Choosing who to live with is often the most stressful part of housing decisions. Living with good people can turn a not-so-ideal place into a home. That being said, these good people do not need to be all, or any, of your best friends.

WashU housing makes us consider who to live with, often having us shift the group every year. When making these decisions, think about your lifestyles above who you like the most or feel closest to as a friend. Pick roommates who go to bed and wake up at similar times as you. If you have people over a lot, pick suitemates who like having visitors. If you’re a neat freak, pick people who match your freak. Maybe you smoke every night or have a partner who sleeps over a lot — you need someone comfortable with that. 

When you choose roommates, do not make your friendship the only reason for it. Living with friends can be great and certainly bring you closer, but on the flipside, it can also strain the friendship if it is not a compatible living situation. Being with your friends in close quarters every day can create unnecessary tension and issues. It may also be easier to communicate concerns about things like dishes and cleanliness to a roommate than to a friend, who may bring resentment into your relationship.

Not living together is not the end of a friendship. You can still take time to see one another, and this may be better for your relationship than forced proximity. I know many people who prefer to live with roommates who they are not close with; oftentimes, people prefer keeping their friendships separate from their living situations.

These decisions are complex and can result in friends choosing to live without you. This can be hurtful, but it does not mean that they aren’t your friends or that you will be left out all year. When friends choose to live without you, it isn’t because of you as a person (unless you’re a jerk…), but is often a result of different living priorities. Maybe they feel that they have the most compatible lifestyles with someone else, or are set on living in an off-campus WashU apartment with three bedrooms.

It may feel like they prioritize living somewhere specific or with a certain group over you, and that is a valid feeling. Communication is essential in these situations. Be honest about your feelings with your friends. Rather than ruminating in anger or sadness about your friends’ choices, have these conversations to clarify the reasons they made these decisions.

If you end up going into a housing decision alone, WashU’s administrative assignment is far from the end of the world. I know so many people who had random roommates and are now living together for another year because they are such good living companions.

You may find yourself with people who had similar housing-decision situations as you, and you will likely coexist nicely or become friends. Or you could end up comfortably living with a pre-existing group of friends or become part of the group. I live in a five-person apartment with my group of four from our suite last year and someone who I had never met; she is one of our closest friends now. 

Ultimately, as you make your housing decisions for next year, remember that you will end up living somewhere safe and comfortable. You will not be forced to live alone. Wherever you end up, it only has to change your life as much as you want it to. Housing is not your whole life, and who you live with is not the end-all, be-all of your friendships. Where you live is just your home base; your life is what you choose to do inside and outside of it. Classes, extracurriculars, hobbies, and activities will take up your time next year — where you live is a small part of that in the grand scheme of things. 

Weigh your options, pick your priorities, and communicate with the people who are a part of that decision. Then think about all the fun things you are going to do next year!