In a surprise hire, the Mosaic Project hired an upper-class straight white man from Westchester County, N.Y. to lead its new Center for Diversity and Inclusion.

Social Programming Board finally announced on Sunday night that Childish Gambino will headline this year’s spring W.I.L.D., but he wasn’t SPB’s first choice. In a desperate attempt to break the news of the W.I.L.D. headliner before SPB, Student Life conducted an undercover investigation and managed to get its hands on the original shortlist of W.I.L.D. artists.

So…sports. Yup. They’re pretty cool. Hit things. Running. Yay. The ball goes in the hole. Cheering. Woo. OK, I give up. To be completely honest, I’m only writing this article because the sports writers are all swamped this week and decided to pile their misfortune on Cadenza. Thanks, guys. I guess we can start with the Super Bowl.