Sometimes swearing is a necessity. When I found out that the Office of Residential Life doesn’t provide their off-campus apartments with cable or wireless internet, I expressed some choice words. (Seriously, ResLife, I think there are prisoners with access to these amenities, and they aren’t paying for any sort of housing.) But the importance of a well-placed swear word could not be more evident than when you’re watching a movie on cable television. And it’s not just the censorship, but it’s the way in which networks like TNT, TBS and USA go about removing the 200-plus F-bombs from “Scarface.” FX airs “There’s Something About Mary” almost every other day. But, you can only tolerate Ben Stiller calling Matt Dillon a “froggin’ ashpole” so many times. So, we present the most ridiculous edited-for-television lines.

(It would be unbecoming of Cadenza to print the original versions, but we trust in your ability to figure them out.)

5. “Pardon my French, but you’re an ‘aardvark’!” (“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”)

4. “Your mother ‘sews socks’ in hell!” (“The Exorcist”)

3. “This is what happens, Larry! This is what happens when you ‘find’ a stranger in the ‘Alps’!” (“The Big Lebowski”)

2. “Yippie-kai-yay, ‘Mr. Falcon’!” (“Die Hard 2”)

1. “Enough is enough! I have had it with these ‘monkey-fighting’ snakes on this ‘Monday-to-Friday’ plane!” (“Snakes on a Plane”)