It’s Wednesday, April 22, and I’m sitting in my English major advisor’s Mallinckrodt office for my exit interview from the major. The interview, I’m told, is to help the department assess what’s working in the major, what isn’t and what it can do to better serve the next generation of Washington University’s literary scholars.

Just in time to correct the damage done by this week’s sorority formals comes the latest trend in kinesthetic fashion—toe-length-shortening procedures that will leave you with the perfect foot shape for those five-inch Louboutins you bought in red specifically so no one would notice the blood stains that resulted from wearing them.

Hi, my name is John Schmidt, and with this sentence, I’ve gained immortality. This column is, so to speak, my philosopher’s stone, my Great American Novel, my legacy. Each time a future employer, romantic interest or curious acquaintance Googles my name, somewhere in the search results this’ll be there, and I’ll be reviewed on Yelp! accordingly because of it.

She was the twice-divorced single mother of two turned lounge singer turned insurance adjuster. He was the leading OB-GYN at the Washington University School of Medicine who hoped to win a Nobel Prize. Together, they would change the way people talked about sex. Inspired by real events of the 1950s and ’60s, Showtime’s “Masters of Sex” premiered on Sept. 29, 2013.

“I think when you say to people that the vibrator was used as a medical treatment, that already is astonishing,” Henry Schvey said about the contraption at the center of “In the Next Room (or The Vibrator Play).

Dear Wash. U., Now that we’ve been going steady for a year, I feel we’ve reached the point in our relationship where the honeymoon period is over.

If Professor Ignacio “Nacho” Sánchez Prado’s life were a film, it wouldn’t be a dramatic “Seabiscuit.” No, it would have the trappings of a lighthearted flick like “Love Actually.

On Thursday, four Washington University student groups are collaborating to promote awareness of World AIDS Day on campus. The Washington University Undergraduate Public Health Association (WUUPHA), WUSTL FACE AIDS, Wash U H.O.P.E., Ashoka and GlobeMed are partnering to hold events across the Danforth Campus.

“Just sign in and we’ll be right with you,” a well-dressed, friendly looking man says, pointing a teen to a clipboard. The teen appears nervous as he takes the board.

It’s hot. Really hot. And it’s not a tolerable dry heat. Rather, it’s the humid St. Louis heat, the kind that leaves you dewy, the kind that makes you want to shower despite how drenched you already are.