We’ve all probably heard it hundreds of times: “talk to people you disagree with!” From civics teachers to well-meaning family members, the sentiment of expanding your worldview via confronting controversial ideas isn’t a novel one.

The general premise is good—by exposing yourself only to people and ideas that agree with you, you’ll quickly be caught in a cycle of confirmation bias that can blind you to outside perspective. While this idea can be applied to a wide range of topics—I’m always happy to debate whether we have free will or the merits of pineapple on pizza—it’s most commonly reiterated in the sense of political beliefs.

During the 2016 Presidential election, as a young person in a blue city reading liberal news and seeing only support for Hillary Clinton, Trump’s victory was a massive shock to me. I never realized the widespread support for a candidate that I personally didn’t agree with, partially due to my own secure bubble of political ideology.

In the years after, I did make attempts at expanding my horizons, at least halfheartedly. I read the Wall Street Journal instead of just the New York Times. I sought out political discussion. I even went to a few of my high school’s Centrist and Conservative Club meetings, coming out either enlightened or, more often, with my heart racing and blood pressure elevated. But there was one bitter conservative pill I could never quite stomach.

I have a close family member who is staunchly Republican. He is loving, kind and intelligent, and we’ve had a good relationship for most of my life. However, politics have always been a sticking point.

I get emails from him that range from “isn’t Donald Trump the greatest” to “climate change is a hoax,” and just about everything in between. For a while, I would spend my time finding contrary informational videos or articles to send back. I found myself embroiled in debates about gun control, Obama, and worst of all, race and gender issues during family get-togethers or phone calls. I would walk away frustrated, and he would walk away unmoved.

I know that my situation isn’t unique, either. Classmates, friends and other family members have commiserated about the same old story, hundreds of times over. It’s universally exhausting. So why do we keep going back? It’s because we are either too confident in our ability to change someone’s mind, or that we’re still ingrained to believe that conflict can always be resolved given enough effort and passion.

Here’s my seemingly-backwards call to action: consider inaction. When you’re banging your head against a wall of ideology that doesn’t match your own values, and it’s doing more harm than good, stop.

I’ve stopped responding to political emails, and instead try and redirect conversation to more enjoyable topics, such as swapping baby animal videos or old stories. The outcome has been predictable; while neither of us have shifted our ideology, that wasn’t going to happen even if we continued political commentary. Instead, I don’t have to feel my heart beating out of my chest every time I get an email with a subject line that directly conflicts my core values, and my relative and I can still have a relationship.

Check in with yourself and the situation before you throw yourself into heated political discourse. If you and the person you’re debating aren’t both open to productive conversation, you may be wasting time, energy and precious sanity for nothing.