I am not a sports person. I have no active bias against sports, but I also don’t follow, watch or even really understand them at all. So why am I writing this article? Because even though I don’t have any knowledge about sports, I do have opinions on which ones are worthwhile. So here I am, presenting you with my ranking of sports from worst to best, as someone who is not a sports person. (Note: All opinions presented here are objective fact, and therefore not up for debate).

Golf: 0/10

Golf is objectively the worst sport. I say this so wholeheartedly that I don’t even think it should be a sport. Playing nine holes is literally like going on a walk, except with too much equipment and an unnaturally small ball that’s hard to hit, making it exponentially worse than taking a walk. I truly think golf only exists because men don’t know how to just talk to each other, so they had to create a sport around it to make it less awkward.

Wrestling: 2/10

Wrestling is a sport that I just find fundamentally strange. It’s essentially just fighting but with more rules and more staging. It does not pass my vibe check and shouldn’t pass yours.

Baseball: 4.8/10

Baseball differs from wrestling and golf in that it actually has potential. If it wasn’t an incredibly slow game I know I’d enjoy it. But this is a very large “if,” given that watching nine innings feels like a decades-long event. Overall, baseball gets my stamp of approval for content, but not for speed.

Football: 5/10

Football has the potential to be really intriguing, but it stops and starts too much to actually keep my attention. Additionally, the physical toll the sport takes on players alarms me, and each tackle reminds me of the potential for irreversible harm. Every year during the Super Bowl I choose my “team” based on whichever contender has prettier colors, and the sole reason I rank football higher than baseball is the fact that there’s always free food at the Super Bowl parties, whether or not you actually understand what’s going on.

Basketball: 7.5/10

As long as I can remember, I’ve been randomly stopped in stores and asked if I play basketball because of my six-foot-tall athletic stature. This alone was almost enough to make me rank basketball much lower. But basketball’s redeeming quality is how good of a game it is. It’s fast-paced and exciting, and after years of attending my little brother’s games, I’ve come to enjoy it. Plus, I adore Gabrielle Union and she’s married to an NBA player.

Creative Commons / Pete Edgeler

Venus and Serena Williams.

Tennis: 10/10

I may not like sports very much, but I love tennis. Even though my tennis career ended after I stopped taking lessons in sixth grade, I still ride hard for Venus and Serena Williams. I also read a lot of sports articles here as copy chief, and following the women’s team is always a highlight of my reading experience. Nothing beats some quality tennis journalism.