Here at Cadenza, we spend a lot of time thinking about celebrities and, consequently, which ones we’d like to have sex with.
These stars have been getting us particularly hot and bothered:

Oscar Isaac and Shailene Woodley

So there’s good news and bad news when you’re potentially engaging in three-way sex with Oscar Isaac and Shailene Woodley. The good news is that they’re better at acting than just about anyone else right now because they get super in-tune with character psychology, down to the smallest glance and whatnot. So I’m sure engaging in sexual relations with them simultaneously would be a super intense and emotionally rich experience.

The bad news is that the experience would be so intense and emotionally rich that it would make every subsequent sexual endeavor feel empty and insignificant. And I think that’s how married couples come to resent each other and go through messy divorces after their kids grow up.

John Krasinski and Emily Blunt

First of all, if you’ve seen the photos of John Krasinski in Men’s Health Magazine post-”13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi” beef-up, this choice needs no explanation. Hot Damn. Plus, what “Office” fangirl hasn’t dreamed of being the Pam to Krasinski’s adorable, hilarious Jim? Of course, Krasinski already has his Pam: his incredibly talented and gorgeous wife, Emily Blunt. So let’s get her in on the action too. That British accent will make for some great pillow talk.

Bill Nye the Science Guy and Neil deGrasse Tyson

Do you remember the ‘90s? I know I do. Everyone was wearing light-wash jeans and we all had a crush on Bill Nye the Science Guy. During science class, when the teacher put on Nye’s VHS tape about volcanos, we rapt watchers dreamed of going on a date with Nye. Well, now that we’re all older and it’s not so creepy, this could be a reality. But now there’s a new science guy in town who’s equally handsome and eloquent: Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Oh, what a night with these two ponderers of the world could hold. First, we three would pore over the recent issue of Scientific American, a sensual foreplay unrivaled by any other periodical. Afterward, we would retire to a room whose ceiling was but a skylight, so that our activities could be inspired by the worlds above. Nye would create worlds (metaphorically, of course) with his touch, while Tyson’s precision would leave no man wondering whether the Earth was flat or round, for the Earth would be whole in ourselves.

John Boyega and Daisy Ridley

Every year there are new interview darlings—you know, the celebrities in interviews who seem to steal the show with their down-to-earth, bright-eyed candor about their place in the industry and their rise to stardom. We all want to be their best friends and spend hours sending one another the newest interview. “Did you see what they said about their favorite food?”, or “They love the Earth, too!”, we gush to our friends.

Well, this year those two are the stars of one of the largest franchises in cinema history: “Star Wars.” John Boyega and Daisy Ridley swept us off our feet as they impersonated one another and made each other laugh on late-night couches and at press junkets alike. Their youth, paired with their obvious love for one another, places them at the top of the list for my dream threesomes. With Boyega’s impressions of the rest of the cast and Ridley’s striking resemblance to Keira Knightley, it may even seem like you have the entire franchise with you, too.

Guy Fieri and the lead singer of Smash Mouth

In a perfect world, you could just get boned by two Guy Fieri’s with whatever brand of barbecue sauce he uses as lube, but I feel like that would be cheating for the purposes of this list. The good news is that the lead singer of Smash Mouth looks just like Guy Fieri, and I’m sure he also uses barbecue sauce as lube, so they’d probably get along alright. Tell me with a straight face you don’t get off at the thought of their goatees tickling your nether regions as they go down on you. You can’t, because if you did you’d be a liar.