My name is Eliana Goldstein, and I’m an “Admirers”-aholic. That’s right, I’m straight addicted to “Wash U Admirers.” And anyone who isn’t probably should be because that page is hysterical. But let’s be real, y’all—it can get a little monotonous, what with all the “hot damn” and “have my babies” and “to the girl with the chestnut/blonde/black/auburn hair…