I’m really appalled that one chick won Mr. Wash. U. She’s not a mister; she’s a mistress. I’ve never met her before, but her uterus should automatically disqualify her. Men are an oppressed and underrepresented minority at Wash. U. What about men’s rights? It was bad enough when we started letting women drive, but this is straight-up illegitimate. I also hear that an adulterer is coming to campus. Also not cool.

Sincerely,

Todd Akin