The First Episode
Conan kicked off the series with a pre-taped cold open: “Last Season on ‘Conan.’”

In the premier, Conan is on the line with an NBC executive, who tells the talk-show host that he has to move “The Tonight Show” to 12:05. Conan’s reaction is priceless (“Go to hell!”) and self-knowing (“What can they do to me?” he says as he reclines back in his chair), but as Conan leaves a surprisingly dingy NBC parking lot, he’s shot up “Godfather”-style.

He’s put in a full-body cast. The good news is he’ll live. The bad news is he’ll never work in a network television again. From there, Conan tries his hand at being a Burger King cashier, a stand-up comedian/birthday clown and a mad man from the ’60s, complete with a guest-appearance from a surly Don Draper. But nothing fits.

When he’s at his last rung, Larry King, Conan’s guardian angel, pulls him back from the edge and gives him two words: “basic cable.” TBS makes Conan an offer he can’t refuse (a piece of paper with “Much Less” written on it), and that’s how Conan O’Brien’s “Conan” is born.

The cold open was winky, wacky and sophomoric all at once—the perfect Conan video. In comparison, the rest of the episode felt a little flat. That’s not to say that it was bad. The fact that NBC is apparently pulling lottery balls out of the Masturbating Bears sack is both sad and hilarious, and Conan killed when he summed up all of the news he’d missed in one topical joke (“Then I realized that’s like trying to keep an Icelandic volcano from wearing Lady Gaga’s meat dress while a trapped Chilean miner cleans up the BP oil spill, comma Brett Favre’s penis.”).

It’s just that once you got past the highlights, “Conan” felt like your standard talk show. You could argue that’s the point. “Conan” is supposed to be a comforting return to normalcy for Conan and his fans. But after the first episode, I was left wanting more Conan, less Seth Rogen and less Lea Michele. Either way, it was nice to have him back. B+

Moldy monologues
Conan took a stab at more traditional monologues his second night, and just like old times, they weren’t his strong suit.

“Apple just launched its online store in China. That’s right, Apple says this is an exciting opportunity to sell iPods to the very kids who make them” got pity laughs. Conan was at his best when he left the script and a) mocked his audience, b) mocked himself or c) did the string dance. Otherwise, his monologues would have been completely skip-able. C

Bits and pieces
Conan’s comedy bits are what separate him from the pack. As mentioned earlier, his cold open had me in hysterics, and the rest of his skits were similarly inspired. A trip to Conan’s censor left viewers wondering what sexual act a “Tokyo Sandblaster” was supposed to be. Conan and Andy’s local news roundup was spot-on (“There was a fire in a crappy part of time…and an animal did something hilarious.”). Plus it had the unintentionally hilarious factor, since Andy’s green shirt caught the green screen image behind him, which made him look like a news anchor ghost. A+

Celebs and musical performances
Seth Rogen was Conan’s first guest, and he looked scared and/or high, which wasn’t as entertaining to watch as you might think. Jack McBrayer (“30 Rock”) feigned discomfort in front of his old boss, and Julie Bowen’s (“Modern Family”) bare legs compelled Conan to give an adolescent’s leap of sexual frustration. Tom Hanks stole the show, however. The man who coined the nickname “Coco” was given a hero’s welcome. First he was interviewed, and then he was splashed by a whale. Awesome.

On the musical side of things, Jack White and Conan rocked out to “20 Flight Rock” in the first episode, and that’s all you need to know. Really awesome. A