Some people will accept a first date from anybody. Their reasons vary. It may be because they see dating as an adventure, and whether it goes well or poorly it will make an interesting story. Maybe they put a lot of stock in not having to wonder what might have been. In some unfortunate cases, it may be because they are so intent on validation though coupledom that the possibility of a one-time date is better than nothing at all.
Others almost never accept a first date, and the reasons for that vary just as widely. They might intentionally stay single. They may be shy or uncomfortable with the thought of spending time alone with new people. They might just be incredibly picky.
Neither of these extreme dating styles will work well for every person. So how do you strike a balance between the two? There are a few considerations everyone can use to ensure that they’re being choosy enough, but not so choosy that it unreasonably impedes the possibility of a fulfilling dating life.
If you are not accepting a lot of first dates from new people, but you’re interested in dating, push the limits of your comfort zone a bit. Shyness, of course, cannot be overcome in a day. But, if somebody intriguing asks you out, consider accepting and doing a fairly low-pressure activity in a setting where you feel comfortable; see an early movie, go to a concert. Those events don’t require a lot of conversation, but will provide an experience for you both to talk about afterward. If you’re still a little wary about going out alone with someone you don’t know well, go out on a double date or invite them to join you in a group. That way, you can get to know the new person a little better, but always have someone else there in case things go wrong or conversation stalls.
If you are accepting a lot of first dates, make sure that you’re doing it safely. When you try going out with someone you met on the Internet or someone you don’t know very well, make sure you start your date somewhere open and public so you can comfortably control the alone time. Let your instincts be your guide. If you don’t feel comfortable around your date, and there’s something about them that makes you feel jumpy or unsafe, don’t hesitate to end the date early and stop seeing that person. Not having to wonder “what might have been” is a good goal, but nothing good will happen by continuing to date someone who makes you feel like you have to keep your guard up.
Another thing to keep in mind no matter your dating style is physical attraction. It has been in vogue for a while to discount the role of physical attraction in the success of a relationship. Other factors like trust, intelligence, wit and common interests are all necessary in starting and keeping up a good relationship; we all know that. But don’t downplay the role of physical attraction out of fear of sounding shallow.
A relationship of this nature involves some physical component. Be it hand-holding, kissing or sex, there is physical contact. So no matter how nice someone may be, don’t accept a date if you aren’t the least bit physically attracted to that person. You may think you’re doing it to be nice, but you’re setting everyone up for disappointment. They’ll feel led on, and you’ll eventually face the awkwardness of ending it.
Dating should be fun and first dates are a great way to get to know new people and see if you hit it off. Once you find your personal balance of adventure and caution, you’ll have a great time.