Editor’s Note: This article was published in an April Fool’s Day edition of Student Life. Its content is not factual.
boys suck!
We get out of speeding tickets. “Hellooo officer.”
Adam was whipped.
It’s a well-established fact that boys have cooties.
Male claims about females are simply inaccurate: The oldest anti-female joke in the book makes fun of women for driving. According to a 2007 AAA Traffic STATS report, guys behind the wheel have a 77% higher risk of dying in a car accident. Thus your car insurance. .and you’re always lost because you never ask for directions.
Higher pain threshold. Evidence: childbirth. You have no idea.
Petite women can be cute; short men are just, well, short.
Boobs. We’ve got ’em. You want ’em.
X marks the spot. Y marks nothing.
Male pattern baldness. Just keep checking that patch on the back of your head…
Everyone knows, you can’t hit a girl.
We don’t even need you for your sperm. Scientists were recently able to produce sperm cells from bone marrow. Let’s see you try to grow a uterus.
We can orgasm several times during sex for each time a man does once.
Women are built to last: we have a longer average life span.
The women’s locker room: In our lifetime, on average we’ll see more women naked than you even have a chance at.
girls suck!
You can’t get sand in your penis.
Women are responsible for original sin.
Lack of facial hair leads to scarf hoarding, alpaca price inflation and destruction of developing nations’ economies.
Girls are prone to swooning.
According to nationwide salary averages, women are only 76.2 percent as productive as men.
Mars is a much better planet than Venus.
Men spend a tenth of the time getting dressed and still look better.
According to most reports, Dan. U. girls are ugly.
Mother Nature gives us droughts, hurricanes, locusts; Father Christmas gives us presents.
They are far worse at writing their names in the snow.
Isaac Newton was a man. How many women invented gravity?
According to Mr. Garrison from South Park, you shouldn’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.
Girls always screwed up the physical challenges in Legends of the Hidden Temple.
Womens’ signatures are conspicuously absent from the Declaration of Independence.
Everyone hated the Susan B. Anthony dollar coins; the Sacajawea golden dollar coins are no better.