Washington University is blessed to have talented athletic teams across the board, but a severely underrated aspect of each team’s success is their uniforms. These uniforms each have pieces that attract the eyes of faithful fans, but for those who do not understand the sensual nature of sports, the Student Life sports staff has compiled a list of the sexiest (or most useful) accessories for each sport’s respective uniforms.

Volleyball – Knee Pads
We get it, ladies, floors are hard on the knees. Having to drop at a moment’s notice to dig that ball can do quite a number. Thankfully, knee pads exist to keep basically any painful or painfully awkward wood burns from blighting your skin and evidencing your late-night activities.

Baseball – Cup
Provides a nice cradle and enhances your package’s image. People love to know exactly what they are getting, and a nice cup, when used advantageously, may send a few more prospects your way. Plus the protection a cup provides is unparalleled.

Basketball – Shoes
Traction is key, especially on those popular, new silky bed sheets. Sliding around on the mattress is not exactly a turn-on. Solve this problem with some nice high-top basketball shoes, which will also protect from some painful ankle injuries. Remember not to overexert yourself or your feet. A nice pair of basketball shoes is like a business suit for your feet…and the more rubber, the better.

Track/Cross Country – Bib
A mesh shirt for running in, or, lingerie for the athletically inclined. It reveals just enough to get your blood pumping and your mind racing! Imagination is an important part of any relationship. Just remember this is a marathon, not a sprint.

Football – Facemask
We understand that this makes kissing difficult, but the safety provided by a helmet is great when things get rough. No more concussions from banging your head on a headboard! No more spine injuries from landing on your head from falling out of bed! No more suffocating from a pillow in your face! A good facemask opens up all sorts of possibilities for sexual foreplay and positions.

Swimming – Goggles
When getting down and dirty, things get messy. Being able to see throughout the sexual encounter is important. Equally important is knowing where to put what, and how can you know where it goes if you can’t see where you’re going? Utility is sexy!

Soccer – Shin guards
The bright colors and sharp lines draw attention to the feet, perfect for those whose significant other has a foot fetish. And of course, they provide great protection for when people start kicking. To really get in the spirit of soccer, try to do everything without using your hands!

Softball – Sliding Shorts
Who doesn’t like skin-tight pants? These translucent compression shorts show just enough to get you excited and hide just enough to make you want to see some more. Better yet, they are padded, making them instantly spankable. These will knock your night out of the park.

Tennis – Racket
Spanking central. The noise it makes as it whizzes through the air. The noise it makes as it collides with a partner’s backside. Feel free to make your own tennis player-esque grunting noises as you make contact.