San Fernando JonesEditor’s Note: This article was published in an April Fool’s Day edition of Student Life. Its content is not factual.
Student Union Senate voted yesterday to deify SU President Neil Patel. The popular president will hereafter be known as the Deified Patellius.
The last SU president to receive this honor was the Deified Aderus, who graduated in 2006. Aderus received a triumph and the Senate’s admiration for his victory in the war with the Emory barbarians.
Patellius was recognized primarily for the pax danfortha that he has brought to the University. The Senate is planning on erecting a Temple to the Deified Patellius in the Danforth University Center in the fall.
Patellius graciously accepted the Senate’s decree and welcomed the opportunity to be worshipped as a god by the lesser mortals.
“It’s about time that the position of SU president has gotten some recognition,” said Patellius. “Worshiping me is the least they can do after having me sit in meetings until 1:30 a.m.”