EDITOR’S NOTE: This article was published in an April Fool’s Day edition of Student Life. Its content is not factual.
In an effort to place more graduating seniors in successful jobs, the Career Center will be using the Game of Life to determine student strengths, weaknesses and interests. Students will meet with a Career Center official (who is typically a Wash. U. alum anyway) and a group of other students. The group will play the Game of Life and Career Center officials will take note of careers, salaries and life choices achieved during the game.
“This is a great way to place people in jobs they can be successful in,” commented Career Center advisor and Wash. U. alum Jane Read. “When someone picks that police officer card or accountant card or artist card, you know it was meant to be and you watch how the students progress through the game with their card selections.”
The University expects to see great improvements in graduating senior employment opportunities.
“Once we see what their future job will be, we can put them on the right track immediately and not bother with other class options,” said Dean McLeod. “It’s effective and cost efficient.”
The new game plan will also end the flood of freshmen into the pre-medical program.
“With this system, one kid per game group is going to be the doctor and that’ll be that,” said Regina Fried, chemistry professor. “Then we can focus solely on those kids and not work so hard to weed out all the dumb, optimistic kids.”
The University also views the new program as a way to teach students about raising a family, purchasing insurance and earning money.
“This game is about as close as you can get to real life. I just wish I had this opportunity when I was a student,” said Ima Stillheer. “Then maybe I wouldn’t still be working for the University, since that’s not a job option card in the game.”
In order to keep alum employment numbers up, however, the Career Center and the University plan to work with Milton Bradley to add “Career Center/Admissions officer” to the job cards.
“Graduating seniors without other job options are our best work force,” said McLeod, “so we just want to make sure we keep the game and job options unbiased.”