Playing hard to get is a tradition as old as dating itself. However, it’s not an honest way to approach trying to date someone new.
Playing hard to get merely disguises your true desires and intentions. It can also get frustrating for whomever you are trying to flirt with. Some people may find it interesting and alluring for a short period of time, but it gets old quickly. Sooner rather than later, they might just get fed up.
People most often justify and encourage playing hard to get by saying that no one is interested in dating a person who is waiting for them like a lost puppy dog. So, they reason, they need to feign an extremely busy schedule to imply that they have a lot of things going on in their life, and possibly even imply that many other people are interested in them. Someone who has nothing going on except one flirtation that they cling to is probably not a very alluring dating option, but trying to avoid looking that way by playing hard to get assumes that there is no grey area between overly available and completely unavailable.
Instead of using that game as a way to imply that there are interesting things going on in your life, tell the person in whom you’re interested about things that you’re up to. You don’t need a sneaky game to prove you’re worth knowing-because you are worth knowing. You don’t reach young adulthood without having some things that make you interesting. Work those things to your advantage. Talk about some of your interests and hobbies with them. Act confidently, be yourself, let them know what makes you unique. They’ll figure out that you’re a good catch a lot more quickly than they would if you strung them along by playing hard to get.
If someone who you are interested in asks you out and you’re interested in going, go out with them if you’re free at the suggested time. If you’re not free, decline, but tell them that you’re interested in going out with them at some time when you are free. If you want to sound interesting, be open about what you’re up to that is keeping you busy during the first suggested time. It might start up a good conversation.
You can eradicate game-playing from the other side as well. If you get the feeling that someone you are interested in is playing hard to get, encourage them not to do so. Start gently. Ask them when they are free to do something. Make it clear that you’re interested in going out with them; it is far more comfortable for them if you take away the opportunity for them to fear rejection. If they continue to drag their feet and it still looks like they are playing hard to get, call them on it. Tell them, in so many words, that you don’t appreciate that they’re playing hard to get. Tell them that you are trying to work around their schedule, but that you would appreciate if they would make time for you if they would like to go out, and to tell you if they don’t actually want to do anything.
If you break the cycle of playing hard to get, your dating life will become significantly demystified. Instead of worrying about the right time to express your interest in someone or the right time for them to express their interest in you, you can focus on scheduling a date and seeing what happens.