There will be lots of preparations for this weekend. Wash. U. will be planting an excess of flowers to distract from the giant holes/parking lots taking over the campus, professors will be prepping interesting and appropriate lectures for Friday and students will be stashing liquor bottles in boxes under their beds.
Parents Weekend signals the time for another preparation, too. It’s time to prepare for the next big step in your relationship: meeting the parents.
In college, we are lucky enough to postpone this nerve-racking experience for a while simply because many people’s parents are several hundred miles away from the Danforth Campus. In high school, you usually had to have that awkward first conversation when picking up your girlfriend for a date or just running into your boyfriend and his parents at the local grocery store. But now, you can date for months without ever thinking about the people who once changed the diapers of your significant other.
So how do you prevent this weekend from being a Ben Stiller type of experience?
Background Information. Ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to tell you about the ‘rents. They should be happy to divulge information because it’s probably pretty important to them that their parents approve of you. Talk about some of mom and dad’s interests that you could just casually bring up over dinner and definitely make sure to talk about any major red flags. For example, if your boy’s parents are strict Republicans, you might not want to crack the latest “Dub-ya” joke. Any information that can prepare you for the big day is a major plus.
The Basics. You need to decide with your boyfriend or girlfriend what you want the first meeting to be. Will it be a casual introduction in the dorm and then a double date to see Fiddler on the Roof or a nice night out downtown? Depending on the place, pick an appropriate outfit. Though your boyfriend may tell you that his parents won’t care what you’re wearing, he is not the one deciding if this new girl is good enough for their little boy. If you’re going out to dinner, leave the low-cut tops, goofy T-shirts and ripped jeans in your dorm room. Though parents will probably not be judging you on whether you are up with current fashion trends, they will notice if they can see your thong riding up or if they have to stare at a Corona hat all night.
Another basic thing to be aware of is your behavior. You should absolutely be yourself (because they will probably see the same great things in you that attracted their daughter to you), but try to be on your best behavior. Even if you forget to do it in your day-to-day life, this would be a good time to think before you act. Mothers may forget the name of the movie you saw together, but they will remember an offensive comment for years.
The Conversation. After the initial introductions, you now have a full dinner to fill with interesting conversation. Don’t sit there like the silent fourth-wheel as your boyfriend tells his parents about the first few stressful months of school. Jump into the conversation and talk about common interests between you and your boyfriend or you and his parents. Though they might seem cool, try to steer clear of potentially awkward topics until you have known them for more than an hour. Even if his dad tells a story about his frat in college, he may be uncomfortable hearing about his son’s drunken adventures in the quad on W.I.L.D.
If the waiter was the last person who has spoken in a few minutes, a good fallback topic is your family. Maybe not the stories about your neurotic aunt quite yet, but memories of family trips or your parents’ impressions of Wash. U. The folks usually like to hear about your care for your own parents. Be careful not to be fake or brown-nose, however, because his parents weren’t born yesterday. They’ll probably frown at fabricated enthusiasm more than they would at a few uncomfortable silences.
Parting Ways. When the weekend finally comes to a close, it’s important to make as good of a final impression as a first impression. Be sincere about how nice it was to finally meet them and wish them luck on whatever project they mentioned over dinner (so they know you really were listening). Let them know you are looking forward to spending more time with them. If after all your preparation you pass the test, you may just have an invitation to their house for winter break and, even better, a couple of fans to remind your girlfriend how lucky she is to have you.