A relationship can be going along nicely until three small words change everything. No, unfortunately not “I love you,” but rather, “Sorry, I cheated.”
The months of good times, deepened friendship and unforgettable moments can be destroyed immediately. It’s a hit from which many relationships can never recover. In the world of relationships, cheating is often viewed as the unforgivable act.
Why would someone risk something amazing for just one fun night? Everyone has their own reason: a relationship getting boring, a new exciting attraction, a drunken mistake – but is there really any excuse for this action? No matter the circumstance, someone will get hurt. It is inevitable that the temptation will arise. If you can’t resist it, should you be forgiven?
The negative consequences of cheating are undeniable. One obvious consequence is hurting your relationship partner. When asked what he would do if a girl cheated on him, sophomore Chris Salgado said he would “fuck her up…or cry like a little girl.” Salgado hits on the joint emotions of anger and sadness after receiving the terrible news. Senior Kristina Stein also voices these coexisting feelings, explaining, “I would be devastated, then pissed, and then I would break up with them.” Cheating is powerful and incredibly painful.
Unfortunately, cheating is not unlikely to occur. The difficult choice of whether to forgive lies in the hands of the cheated-upon. What are the circumstances that make it easier to forgive? Are there also those in which forgiveness is out of the question? Chris Salgado thinks it would be easier to forgive someone if there were extenuating circumstances affecting their decision, such as if “she were drunk or if we were in a fight.” Though cheating is never excusable, in some circumstances it can be more easily understood.
What about the boy who cheats on his girlfriend with her best friend? Will he be forgiven? It’s very unlikely. There are some instances when the relationship file needs to be labeled “terminated” in permanent ink. Salgado said he would deem forgiveness to be impossible if the cheating “was prolonged and [he] didn’t find out for a while.” If she has been sneaking off nearly every night to supposed “study groups,” her chances of pulling off a perfect score on a chemistry exam are greater than her chances of gaining forgiveness.
If the other partner ultimately decides to forgive the cheater, how is their relationship affected? Kristina Stein blatantly states the truth, saying, “It always changes the dynamic of the relationship, and usually not for the better.” Is it possible to get past this major disruption in a relationship? Salgado thinks there might be chance, but noted that “the trust level just isn’t the same.” If there is no trust in a relationship, there is no foundation. People say you can forgive and forget, but if your significant other has cheated in the past, will you actually be able to stop worrying about what they do on their weekend crew team trip? Will you ever be able to let go of the fear of another painful confession?
While it’s easy to condemn others for cheating, it’s harder to look at ourselves and ask, “Would I give in to the temptation and if I did, would I tell him the truth?” Things are unpredictable, and though we might say we’ll never cheat, there is never any certainty. What is more in our control is the ability to tell the truth. Is it better to let the events of one drunken night stay a secret to maintain an otherwise healthy relationship? Or will the lie keep you from ever feeling real in the relationship again?
Kristina Stein said the guilt would prevent her from keeping it a secret. She believes that “even if it means ruining something good, that’s better than knowing you’re lying to someone everyday you’re with them.” Never telling would probably keep you from ever investing fully in the relationship.
So what’s the answer to the question of why people cheat? Maybe just because they can. It would not work to simply say, “Don’t cheat.” It will happen regardless. So here are three words for you: think about it. Think of the damage it will cause to the relationship, the pain you will inflict on someone you care about and the trust that will probably never be recovered.
Cheating on the relationship test will result in an automatic zero on the trust scale. Be smart.