After my editor asked me to contribute to this edition of Student Life, I had to try to remember what it was like coming to college. As the weekly Wash. U. relationship columnist, I often find myself dealing with-and consequently writing about-frat boys, sex and dating…subjects I will embrace within this column.
But let’s start at the beginning. You, incoming freshman, are either single and looking for hookups or a relationship, or you are like I was: in a “very serious,” long-term relationship. I would like to address you monogamous fools first.
Leaving for college, I kissed my high school sweetie with rapture and vowed to stay ever-so-faithful at Washington University. I had dated this smooth football player for three years and thought I was oh-so-in-love. I broke up with him three days later.
Once this breakup inevitably happens to you, (and yes, dear, it will) you will have several options in front of you:
1. Find a replacement boyfriend to ease your pain and possibly take your mind completely off of Perfect Joe from home. In my case, the RB (replacement boyfriend) was the cause of the big breakup. Great deal for me, but not so great for high school boyfriend.
2. Hook up with other college kids like there is no tomorrow, a route often preferred and carried out by deprived yet eager young men.
3. Have a sizeable mourning period and become known as “that freshman who cannot stop crying and eating chocolate,” a tactic usually embraced by the poor dumpee.
4. Get over the high school sweetheart at a “healthy” pace, make new friends at a “healthy” rate, and date again when the time “seems right…” Okay, so as far as I’m concerned, this one is an urban legend made up by good-hearted parents who don’t like the idea of options one through three.
Again, I’m sorry if telling you that your high school relationship won’t last fills you with horror and rage. A good friend of mine came traipsing into college swearing that she and her beloved would last through anything and were definitely going to get married. To the surprise of all of our friends they lasted… for one month.
I’m not saying that Wash. U.’s selection of men and women is so vast that high school relationships carried into college seem bleak in comparison. But do you really think that, after living with thousands of intelligent, fun and exciting young men and women you will really be able to resist the temptation? Or want to resist the temptation? The answer is no. College is way too unique and exciting to call good old Joe (who is probably getting plenty of ass at whatever institution he’s chosen, or at least thinking about it) twelve times a day just to say “I love you.”
Before I give you free reign to run around enjoying yourself (and everyone around you), I want to warn you about a couple options that may pop up and look like great ideas, but might not be in the long haul.
Say you meet a wonderful girl named Katie. She’s everything you ever wanted: so sexy, so fun, so smart. Amazingly, she lives on your floor, just two doors down from you. Imagine you can either hook up with her (if she’ll let you), or date her (if she wants to).
But stop right there for just a moment. Dating or hooking up with floormates is a very tricky thing. What if it gets awkward? What if you break up? What if Katie is an awful kisser but she keeps pining after you? Think about these things before you take the dive.
The RB I dated lived a few doors away. Luckily, we didn’t break up until the summer. Unluckily, we were so into being with each other we didn’t meet many other people. Learn from my mistake: DO NOT cling to a new relationship-whether it be a boyfriend or a roommate-for the sole purpose of comfort or safety. Take risks; have fun. You are only a freshman once.
My last topic is sex. Sex sex sex. Please, please do not lose your virginity on a one-night stand while drunk. Please. Although it might be alluring for you young men, in the long run it’s not how you want to lose it. Even my macho, sometimes bordering-on-chauvinistic male friends who lost their virginity this way regret it. My advice is to wait until you-at the very least-have a meaningful relationship before you give it up. Then feel free to have all the porn-style sex you want and actually enjoy it!
College is not about partying, or sex, or staying up all night. It’s about relationships, learning, and being comfortable with who you are. Embrace your individuality and be independent. As Saint Francis said, “be who you are and be that well.” You will inevitably have some great experiences, some weird experiences, and some funny as all hell experiences. And if you happen to have great sex with someone you care about, then I am so jealous!