Undoubtedly, you’ve been awaiting it since the moment coming to Wash. U. became a reality. If you haven’t gotten it yet, it’s likely you’re the first one out to the mailbox every morning, fastidiously searching through each batch of mail with your fingers crossed, hoping that today’s the day.
But once you’ve received it, a whole new bunch of anticipations arises: will you guys be the best of friends? Will he cheer for the Cubs, too? Will she be from the city or the country? The east coast or the west coast? A blue state or a red state? Or will you guys just want to kill each other in a matter of days?
That’s right: the letter from ResLife that notifies you of your freshman year roommate, the person you’ll be coming home to every day for the next two semesters. The majority of us will have at least one roommate during our college careers, but-especially if you’ve had your own room growing up-getting used to sharing your space with someone is no walk through the park.
In retrospect, all the difficulties your roommate causes you will seem petty, and at the very least provide you with something to agonize about over beers with your friends. But that doesn’t mean you’ll enjoy all the bickering when there’s still a semester and a half left until you can say goodbye to him for good.
There are, though, a few things to keep in mind once you’ve arrived in August and finally met the person whom you’ll soon know more about than you ever wished to know about anyone, ever.
First and foremost, “set realistic expectations,” advises Karen Coburn, assistant vice chancellor for students. “You don’t have to be best friends with your roommate, [but] you do have to learn to live together, share your space and respect each other.”
It’s important to remember that you are also someone’s roommate. Think about how you’d like your roommate to treat you, and try to follow suit when dealing with him. If you’d appreciate it if he didn’t hit the snooze button 18 times every morning, he’d probably be grateful if you kept your pile of dirty underwear away from his desk. Coburn suggests making a list with your roommate early on including ground rules-times you’ll need to study, whether or not you’re willing to share clothes, listen to music while you work, etc.
“If you set a tone of open discussion right from the beginning, you’ll be better able to discuss other issues as they come up,” Coburn says.
It’s also important not to let yourself become a doormat, though. For those of you who have been taught to always be polite and accommodating, college is the time to forget everything you’ve ever learned (oh, the irony!). If there’s something your roommate does that’s just down right disrespectful, let her know! The bottom line is, don’t treat your roommate like your live-in servant, but don’t let her walk all over you, either.
“It’s important to compromise,” says Coburn.
Speaking of compromise, room set-up is a big one. As tempting as it might be to let mom and dad do all the heavy lifting and set up your room for you, don’t let them! Coburn recommends using room decorating as an ice-breaker with your new roomie. It’s a great get-to-know-you activity, and doing it together will avoid potential frustration later on.
Whether you have a significant other or your roomie does, the desire for alone time with that special someone can lead to strains on the roommate relationship-trust me, I’ve heard every horror story imaginable. There’s no easy fix to the boyfriend/girlfriend quandary, but if you’re the one with the active social life, please, please, please heed this little rule: if you and your special friend are planning anything “romantic” in your room, let your roommate know! I’ve seen some students get creative in their notification (read: hanging socks or underwear from the doorknob), but it doesn’t matter how you give them the heads up. Just be sure to do it, and everyone involved can avoid embarrassment.
It’s possible that you and your roommate will hit it off right away and become best buds. Obviously, this would make your living situation much easier than expected, not to mention you’d have someone to eat dinner with and explore campus with you. But even so, Coburn stresses the importance of meeting other people, and forming bonds outside of the roommate relationship.
“Even if you and your roommate do become best friends, be sure to branch out and widen your circle,” she says.
If your living situation is absolutely intolerable, remember that switching into a new room is an option. ResLife wants your year to be an enjoyable one (and it should be), so if you dread returning to your room at the end of the day, speaking with an RA about your concerns is the first step. He or she can then point you in the right direction, whether that means having a mediated discussion with your roommate or moving across the South 40.
When you’ve received your roommate’s contact information, go ahead and begin the relationship ASAP. Make a quick and friendly call, and be sure to keep an open mind. Ask about their hobbies, their potential major, their family. Getting a feel for you soon-to-be-roomie will no doubt calm your nerves. And chances are, you’ll both survive freshman year.