If you’re reading this, you’ve chosen to attend Wash. U. in the fall-which means you probably have the “perfect student” complex most of us at Wash U. have. What you do, you do well and with every bit of your heart in it. This is to be commended. In fact, it’s likely one of the main reasons you got into this school.
But once you step on campus, that attitude can negatively impact your college experience. It almost did for me.
College isn’t all about you. Yes, it’s a place for growth and discovery, for fleshing out what you believe in and what you want to do with your life. But it is also a place to share who you are with others. To build new friendships after you’ve left everything else in your life behind you. And without making yourself available to other people, you can leave yourself dangerously alone if you ever find yourself in need of support.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t join every club that interests you, volunteer on the weekends, date the guy/girl of your dreams or try out for a varsity sport. I encourage you to do all of those things. Just keep in mind that should any of them not turn out the way you’d hoped after a year or two, those people may not be there for you anymore. But the friends you make during your first year always will be. You just have to make time to keep those friendships strong.
My freshman year I was class secretary, worked for Student Life and acted in a play with All Student Theatre. Through each of these activities I met a lot of truly incredible people. The problem? I was so over-involved that I only had time to think about myself-to stay on top of homework and complete my other responsibilities each day. I had plenty of time to hang out with my friends during our meetings or rehearsals, but not nearly enough time to have as many late-night conversations as I wanted to, or to go out on the weekends and have fun without worrying about obligations.
I vowed to change this. Instead, I found myself in a relationship with someone I came to love dearly. I spent every free moment with him sophomore year, and most of my junior year as well. While I was making time for him, I neglected to make time for anyone else. I went to dinner or the mall with my girlfriends only a few times each semester when I wasn’t hanging out with him and his friends.
Even now that we’ve broken up, I don’t regret that decision. I feel truly lucky to have had the opportunity to love someone so fully, to share myself so completely. However, in retrospect, I should have made time to strengthen the friendships I made when I first arrived on campus freshman year. Over breakfasts and lunches at the end of this past spring, I realized just how close I still am to many of those individuals. And how much closer we would probably be had I invested more time into those friendships.
Having a strong drive to succeed is not a negative quality. Whether you’re planning to double major, writing a novel or trying to make a go of a long-distance relationship, I commend you for having such a strong drive to do what you want with your life, to seek out happiness. It will keep you strong and focused.
But please, don’t make it all about you. When you come across people you feel you can truly connect with-and you will-embrace those relationships. Many of those people will be the friends you can turn to for support as you reach the dizzying end of your college experience and step into the real world. And they’ll always be there with open arms and couches for you to crash on should you ever need a warm, safe place to call home.
Liz is a senior in Arts & Sciences and the Associate Editor of Student Life.