Max CooperWho’s excited? The one good thing in the midst of all of this downtrodden pessimism is that John Ashcroft, that evangelical fanatic with an agenda, is gone. The day Bush appointed Ashcroft, there was a collective death of souls dwelling in any women, Jews, blacks, Muslims, Buddhists, people who enjoy their civil liberties or enjoy sex. I can’t think of anything worse than an attorney general with an apocalyptic messiah complex, unless it’s an attorney general with an apocalyptic messiah complex at a time when infidels are declaring a holy war on America.
The son of a preacher man, Ashcroft used his childhood teachings from the Assembly of God to “protect” the people of this country from their own morality. This religious sect teaches that homosexuals are dangerous, Christians should never mix with non-Christians, Jesus is coming to take over the world and, more importantly, that all government and laws should be based on the teachings of the Bible. Good thing Ashcroft believes so strongly in the principles of our country that stress the separation of church and state.
The tenet he based all his political wrongdoings on can be summed up in a statement he made in February 2002. “The source of freedom and human dignity is the Creator,” he said. “The guarding of freedom that God grants is the noble charge of the Department of Justice.”
Ashcroft put these principles to good use when he covered the bare breasts of the statue of Justice. He’s saving the world, one covered nipple at a time. He also saves the souls of millions through song. He wrote a tune called “Let the Eagle Soar” and, in true form to his defiance of outmoded concepts, like separation of church and state, he sang daily, “And we can make it if we try. Built by toils and struggles, God has led us through.”
It is said by many, and I would not totally disagree, that it is the fanatic attitude of this Bible-thumping psycho that has prevented another terrorist attack in America. Too bad he forgot to talk to that one guy, what’s his name…oh I don’t know, the President, about it. When questioned by Larry King about this issue, Ashcroft responded, “I don’t want to say that the president and I have conferred about every aspect of this.”
Perhaps he didn’t want to make it too obvious, because of his shocking disregard for the civil liberties of our country’s citizens when he designed the Patriot Act. Even though this is old news, a short reminder: it turned the government into a 1984, Big-Brother-is-watching type of operation. Under it, the government has the ability to detain Americans in prison indefinitely without trial or criminal charge. Under a furthering, in the Patriot Act Part Dos, there was an increase in the list of federal death-penalty crimes and allowances for the government to desecrate the graves of deceased victims of terrorism without permission from families. After all of this, thank goodness we caught Cat Stevens before anything really awful happened.
I don’t mind Ashcroft having his religious beliefs or even that he’s a complete jackass. It’s the combination of these two and the way he applies them to the government, therefore forcing them on everyone, that bothers me. There’s a reason for the separation of church and state. Not everyone has the same religious convictions. Let’s not turn this into another Reformation with the Church of Ashcroft overtaking us all.