Those who faithfully read my columns know that I typically write on serious issues. But, as a second-semester senior, I think some less weighty issues deserve a few column inches. After four years, I’m wondering a few things. Some are old questions, some are new…
(1) Is snow removal really that difficult? After this semester’s first storm, I almost needed ice skates to get to class. After the second storm, it’s like the Red Sea overflowed on campus. Is a significant portion of our endowment invested in Morton Salt?
(2) Why don’t the automatic doors going into Mallincrodkt ever work for more than a day at a time? When they don’t work, why are they so heavy?
(3) I’ve written numerous papers in Times New Roman. Is there a Times OLD Roman?
(4) Why is our campus signage so mismatched? Take a look at it: some signs use the new logo. Others use the new logo. Some just say “Washington University.”
(5) Where are the REAL walls of the underpass? How many inches of paint cover them?
(6) Why are the School of Engineering’s buildings so confusing? Shouldn’t engineers have designed the easiest buildings to navigate on campus?
(7) Do people, like, write emails to professors w/o capital letters or any sort of punctuation you know like “class 2day was so kewl ttyl in ur office ;)”
(8) Does anyone ever actually BUY Course Listings at the bookstore? If so, why?
(9) If another all-female a cappella group starts, will the Greenleafs still call themselves the premiere all women’s a cappella group?
(10) Can Arts & Sciences fit any more departments into Busch Hall? Speaking of Busch, why is it always twenty degrees warmer than any other building on campus?
(11) Why are the food court restrooms in Mallincrodkt so nice and the restrooms at the bottom of the stairs so gross?
(12) Who designed Edison Theatre? Had s/he ever seen a play before? Did s/he have a kink in his neck?
(13) What are all of those huge photographs that hang in Mallincrodkt? Does anyone know who those people are?
(14) Friedman Lounge has 4 walls and 4 different surfaces (windows, wood paneling, white paint, and tree wallpaper). Did someone think that was pretty?
(15) Speaking of interior decorating: when Eads was renovated last year, why did they put in navy flooring on staircases with black railings? Am I the only one who has noticed this?
(16) And, who decorated the Gargoyle?
(17) How many floors are packed into Ridgley? Was it designed by dwarfs?
(18) Speaking of height, why is one urinal in the men’s restroom on Eliot 2 for NBA players while the other is for 3 year olds?
(19) Was William Greenleaf Eliot T.S. Eliot’s great grandson? Great great grandson?
(20) Has anyone ever used the “ride board” in Wohl? If so, did you make it home?
(21) Who was Ike, and why did he have a Place? Furthermore, why did it feature a gazebo?
(22) Who designed the traffic flow in Ursa’s? Had s/he ever eaten at a fast food restaurant before? Are those arrows in the tile floor supposed to mean something?
(23) Why are the holes in the trash cans at Holmes Lounge smaller than the plates?
(24) Who chooses the music that plays in Mallincrodkt? Why is it so loud after 3pm?
(25) Why do the computers in the Arc constantly freeze?
(26) Do professors have a secret meeting at the beginning of every semester to make sure that all tests and papers are due the same week?
Are these life’s important questions? No. But it might be interesting to know the answers.