Dan DaranciangJeopardy!, once thought exclusive to movies, celebrities and celebrity impersonators, has finally touched the common (college) person personally. Tomorrow and Friday, junior Jayanth Iyengar will begin a two-day quest to be crowned Jeopardy! College Championship king. Already guaranteed at least $25,000, if he defeats the other two finalists, he could win $100,000 – roughly the same cost as W.I.L.D, or 99,999 times greater than the operating expenses of the campus Russian Club.
We at Cadenza would love a Jayanth victory, first because he represents Washington University in all of its erudition, and second because a victory would vindicate his Jeopardy! weakness – pop culture – which happens to be our strength. In order to guarantee a championship, we offer some suggestions. As Machiavelli once wrote, a “prudent man should always follow in the footsteps of great men and imitate those who have been outstanding.” We strongly encourage this strategy, but who to imitate? He could easily look upon past greats of the show’s history: Ken Jennings of last year, and Bob Costas of Celebrity Jeopardy! domination. Still better though would be to imitate the fictitious. With quixotic smarts he could turn to those fictitious characters throughout the years who have appeared in fictitious Jeopardy! episodes. Here is a guide to those high examples of the past. May Jayanth learn from them.
“White Men Can’t Jump” (1992)
There is no more ample and excellent exemplar of Jeopardy! prowess than Rosie Perez’s character, Gloria, in “White Men Can’t Jump.” While her husband Billy (Woody Harrelson) and his friend Sidney (Wesley Snipes) gamble on basketball 2-on-2 everyday, Gloria stays inside studying for her turn in Alex Trebek’s kingdom. Throughout the movie, director Ron Shelton allows his cameras to peek into the study habits of young Gloria. She tackles material by subject matter. With “Disasters” she studies historical fires and earthquakes. With “Book of the Old Testament” she memorizes the names and order in which the books appear. Lastly, her attention to the lesser-known categories must be noted: she does her homework on “Foods that start with the letter Q,” and lo and behold the category appears when she becomes a contestant.
Her game-strategy is as effective, if not as menacing, as her study habits. Though pitted against an English teacher, Dr. Leonard Allen, and a rocket scientist Richard Andrews – who has averaged over $12,000 for each of his three previous wins – Gloria is careful not to appear intimidated. On the opening answer, on the leading rebounder in NBA history, she quickly responds with “Who is Babe Ruth?” Her response, though wrong, sets the tone. She would go on to sweep “Foods that Start with Letter Q,” and “Popes,” embarrassing her opponents throughout.
Gloria’s example does not stop there, however. One thing Jayanth can do is learn from her one mistake: to guard the winnings with meticulous parsimony. Gloria erred in giving $2,000 to her hopeless boyfriend, who promised to spend it on a nice suit for a job interview but instead bet in all in a basketball game. With game show winnings, the safest bet is to put the money in a safe place. We recommend the Cadenza Cookie Jar. No worries, though. There will be no chocolate chip stains on the Benjamins.
“Saturday Night Live,” Celebrity Jeopardy!
Though no serious player of the game would take the infamous Celebrity Jeopardy! sketches on “Saturday Night Live” seriously, there can be lessons learned from even the farcical. If the “White Men Can’t Jump” example teaches us good study habits and aggressive gameplay, and the “Cheers” example teaches us careful betting strategy, the Celebrity Jeopardy! sketches demonstrate the importance of decorum.
Sean Connery, the most frequently impersonated character in the sketch, presents Jeopardy! contestants with a model of illiberal and irresponsible action. Do not, he reminds us, mispronounce the name of categories (“The Pen is Mightier” as “The Penis Mightier”; “Therapists” as “The Rapists”; or “A Petit Dejeuner” as “Ape tits”). Likewise, do not insult Trebek with comments about what his “mother said last night.” Last, Connery tells us that we ought not to draw pictures or inappropriate symbolic gestures for our final answer response.
When a student is on Jeopardy! College Championship, he or she wears a t-shirt or sweatshirt with the name of his/her respective university embroidered front and center. The Washington University insignia is a mark of pride. It is not to be sullied. In front of millions of people – ABC executives, families with children and dogs, and Washington University professors – Jayanth will be representing not only himself, but his school. To Jayanth and future Washington University Jeopardy! College Championship participants, we wish the best of luck. When the clue reads, “This would be a huge disappointment to your friends, family and university community,” the response “Me losing” is not acceptable.
“Cheers” Season 8, Episode 182: “What is.Cliff Claven?”
In this famous episode of the long-running sitcom “Cheers,” the character Cliff Claven (John Ratzenberger), a postal worker who lives with his mother, goes on Jeopardy! to test his vast knowledge of useless trivia. Like Gloria’s luck with “Foods that Start with the Letter Q,” Cliff receives what his friend Norm would later call a “dream board.” The Jeopardy! categories include “Civil Servants,” “Stamps from Around the World,” “Mothers and Sons,” “Beer,” “Bar Trivia,” and “Celibacy.” No one would deny that luck of the draw is critical to success in Jeopardy!, and Cliff’s fortune pays off. He cruises through the first two rounds with effortless grace.
By Final Jeopardy! Cliff is commanding in a “runaway” or “lock” situation. The score of the player in second place is less than one-half of Cliff’s score, meaning so long as Cliff wagers no more than the second player’s score minus one, he will be guaranteed a victory. Cliff, however, bets it all. Worse, he gets it wrong. In response to the clue “Archibald Leach, Bernard Schwartz, Lucille Leseur” (the original names of Cary Grant, Tony Curtis, and Joan Crawford), he answers, “Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen.” When Alex Trebek informs him of his error, Cliff maintains the validity of his statement, although to no avail.
In Jeopardy! jargon, Cliff’s monumental betting mistake is known as the “Clavin Rule.” Betting is a tricky art, and given that Jayanth has so far received five out of the six possible Daily Doubles, much can be learned from Cliff Claven’s hubris. One is to imitate him in knowledge, and learn from his mistakes in betting strategy.