Fontbonne sophomore admits to fake ‘Wash U Confessions’

The Winkelvii | Really invented Facebook

After a tumultuous week for the wildly popular Facebook page, Fontbonne University student, Jedediah Jones, confessed to making up at least half a dozen confessions on Wash. U. Confessions.

The page was thought to feature a snarky, politically incorrect, insensitive slice of the Washington University community with potentially racist tendencies, but a number of more recent posts, such as “Sometimes I just wish I went to Fontbonne. It’s so much closer to Schnucks,” raised suspicions among some students.

“Seriously, everyone knows Paws and Go is a much better deal, so the poster was obviously an imposter,” freshman Jimmy Smalls said before lodging a formal complaint with Facebook. He has yet to receive a response but added whistle-blowing to his list of skills on LinkedIn.

Jones confessed to publishing several since-removed Wash. U. Confessions including “Connie’s Choice was Fontbonne” on the “new and improved” Fontbonne Confessions page Sunday night.

“Confessions are an age-old tradition in the church,” Jones said in an interview with Student Life. “I sincerely apologize for desecrating the social media version of this holy rite.”

The Fontbonne Confessions page currently has eight likes, three of which are from Student Life investigative journalists.

Conni Diik, director of University nutrition, also liked the page after a confession reading, “Screw before-bed prayers, I’m getting a half-and-half” was posted last week.

Student Life has not been able to verify whether Fontbonne dining locations offer half-and-halfs.

Jones, a sophomore and Family and Consumer Sciences major at Fontbonne, said he and two friends started the Fontbonne Confessions page based on conversations overheard in Griffin’s Den, where they like to hang out on Friday and Saturday nights.

“That place is just ripe with material,” Jones said. “Our dining hall is just ripe.”

Students have expressed both confusion and relief with regards to the hijinks.

“They’re clearly, like, super jealous of us,” Wash. U. sophomore Muffy Richardson said. “But it is really impressive that they could actually figure out how to use Facebook.”

Still, she noted that the posts were unsettling at the very least.

“I guess I’m glad it’s not a Wash. U. student saying those things, but it creeps me out that the Fontbonne people know all of that,” she added. “We probably need to secure our borders.”

Jones said he hopes his clearly demonstrated interest in Wash. U. will help him to transfer to the University next fall.

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