News

‘The schedule doesn’t stop’: Maggie Haberman on Trump, the Times and today

While reporting on stories like the Mueller report and the President giving his son-in-law a security clearance certainly stand out in her mind, other stories also spring to mind when reflecting on a career covering the ebb and flow of national politics.

| Managing Editor

Editor-in-chief Chockstix to leave Student Libel, become all of SU exec

The shock decision comes less than two weeks after the former SU exec board were unable to convince even a single suit-wearing, 30-something-looking, attention seeking f—boy to run to replace them.

Seekiswag B’Gosh | Sara Bareilles’ Fan

SHS cures WashFlu

Student Health Services announced that because zero Washington University students are infected with the infamous “WashFlu,” the health center has definitively cured the disease.

Sniffles McSleepy | Senior Snot Editor

Drumpf bills Mexico, Mo. for wall, Crist Mixler agrees to pay

According to the Orange House administration, the billing error was a bigly mistake on the part of the president. However, the plans have been underway for some time, and it’s too late to turn back now.

Bob the Builder | Building that Wall

Student Libel learns big things, all off the record

Although Student Libel was unable to learn the exact details of the things which are occurring, multiple sources were able to confirm that an email would probably be sent out to the student body a few days after rumors started swirling.

Fake News | It's All True

Lil Dicky named 2018 commencement speaker

Self-acclaimed “awkward-looking p—-” Little Dick will be the 2018 commencement speaker, announced the town crier each time the bell tolled yestermorn.

E-Lame-A Quinoa | SPB Beat Reporter

How America reacts to tragedy

We will probably never understand the Boston Marathon bomber’s motivation. The person or group responsible for the horrific bombings that killed three people and injured over 150 more will eventually be caught and will be asked the inevitable question: Why? Was it a political act? Was it a protest? Or was it the work of a pure sociopath?

| Staff Columnist

Rising junior Gabby Reuveni killed by pickup truck while running

Rising junior Gabby Reuveni was killed the morning of July 14 after being hit by a pickup truck during her morning run. According to a Pennsylvania State Police report, Reuveni was reportedly jogging along the shoulder of Route 507 in Palmyra Township, Penn. when a pickup truck driven by Philip Cise, 48, crossed the line […]

Paterno inaccuracies demonstrate perils of new media

Joe Paterno died on Sunday morning. There is a chance, however, that you heard about it on Saturday night, when many news organizations reported that Paterno had died many hours before he actually did. The original report came from Onward State, Pennsylvania State University’s independent student news blog, which tweeted the erroneous information.

Freshman year: Construction, championships and controversy

This school year started with students protesting the Student Technology Fee rate hike. As the year progressed, tensions cooled as Student Technology Services backed off and wireless internet gradually became accessible around campus. October brought racism and other forms of discrimination to the forefront of campus as a student’s car was vandalized with a slur.

| Contributing Reporter

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