Last week, I was chatting with a few friends and happened to bring up the state of the Chinese economy. China’s economy, which had been experiencing double-digit growth for two decades, has slowed. One of my friends positively perked up, doing a little jazz-hands move usually reserved for Super Bowl touchdowns and sorority bid acceptances.

If you believe Bowie’s ex-wife, she caught The Thin White Duke in bed with dozens of men, most notably the rooster-strutting Rolling Stone. This would be higher ranked if it weren’t so eerily believable. The bisexual, androgynous Bowie and Mick; the excessive rock star who could just as easily impregnate a woman as look at her? Both men deny the claim, but we’ll reserve judgment.

So the U.S. government finally won: So-called “light” cigarettes can no longer be marketed as such to the public. As with all legislation, it will take an indeterminable amount of time to actually come into effect, which leaves room for questioning: Why exactly is it illegal to market light cigarettes?