Tuesday witnessed something of a miracle: the rebirth of a political career. In a primary election in South Carolina, former Governor Mark Sanford received 37 percent of the vote for a vacant seat in the House of Representatives. For those of you who don’t remember the scandal, a history lesson: in mid-June 2009, Sanford disappeared for six days.

We would like to congratulate Herman Cain on the most recent reveal of his commitment to the opposite sex. On Tuesday, a woman came forth claiming that she and Cain had a 13-year affair until he began running for president. He would pay for her plane tickets out to conferences, where the two would carry on all sorts of intimate activities.