Love-hate relationships are complicated. It’s literally in the name. Love and hate occupy opposite ends of the emotional spectrum. Logically, it makes no sense how someone could feel both ways about someone, but for whatever reason, these relationships exist. Don’t ask me why. I’m not a psych major.

I, too, was once in a love-hate relationship. Not with a person though. No, for many years, I found myself in a complex relationship with FIFA. The video game, not the governing body of soccer. (I have no love for them.)

Graphic by Mia Goldberg

It was actually because of FIFA that I really fell in love with soccer in the first place. Back in the day, I would play FIFA 08 or FIFA 09 on my friend’s Nintendo Wii. I would always choose Chelsea, and as a result, the Blues became my club. It took a few years for me to really start following the sport closely, with Chelsea’s 2012 Champions League Final triumph in Munich against Bayern igniting my passion for football. Since then, I have been as much a fan of soccer as I am of other sports, if not more so. It’s actually kind of funny how my soccer fandom took off right around the time I stopped playing the sport. I don’t know if the two are correlated, but let’s just say I was never the most skillful player.

As I was getting more into the sport, I also started playing FIFA. 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa on Wii is one of my all-time favorite games. (Wavin’ Flag, anyone?) I tried Ultimate Team for the first time on FIFA 14, and it was the following year with FIFA 15 during which I truly got into it. I packed a Legend, Oliver Bierhoff, that year, something I didn’t realize the significance of until I told some friends who proceeded to freak out. FIFA 16 was my first full year of total devotion to the game, and I spent many a weekend night cursing at the television while my friends laughed over the headset. As I got more into the game, I began to realize just how annoying it could be. Nothing was more frustrating than dominating someone online and still losing (though it was understandable if they had Bernd Leno in net).

Nevertheless, EA still had me hooked, and FIFA 17 was much of the same. I had a brilliant team that year, with Team of the Season Harry Kane, TOTS Christian Eriksen and in-form Son Heung-min leading the attack in my 4-3-1-2. But the game was as frustrating as ever, and by FIFA 18, my junior year in high school, I started to play the game less and less. I did get back into it by spring when I packed 98-rated TOTS Mohamed Salah. That was probably my best team, with TOTS Michy Batshuayi and man-of-the-match Eden Hazard my stars in that edition.

I barely played FIFA 19. I really only got into it over the summer when I had free time. I had had enough of all the crap players deal with, so for the sake of my mental health (and college applications), I basically stopped playing. I drew a line in the sand.

You can see where the hate part of our relationship comes from. But why, you may ask, do you still love a game that has wronged you and your mom’s wallet (sorry, Mom) so many times? The soundtrack.

Graphic by Christine Watridge

The video game itself is always flawed and frustrates me to no end. But every year, FIFA puts together a fantastic soundtrack of 40 or so songs that I anticipate more than the game itself. As someone who doesn’t have the attention span to listen to entire albums in one sitting, the release of the FIFA soundtrack has become something I look forward to every year. Traditionally, alternative and electronic music have dominated the playlists, but in recent years, the curators have put together more diverse soundtracks, with UK rap, for example, getting several tracks in the last few editions of FIFA.

To honor the release of FIFA 21 (a game I’ll probably play once and hate immediately), I’ve put together a playlist of my favorite songs from FIFA 14 through FIFA 20. There are no more than 10 per game, even if I wanted to include more (which I definitely did). The playlist is 55 songs in total, but I’d like to highlight a few here.

Love Me Again – John Newman (FIFA 14): The quintessential FIFA song. “Love Me Again” is a fairly well-known track in its own right, but FIFA 14 players remember it from that game’s soundtrack. I actually had forgotten about it until a saw a tweet a couple years ago that reminded me just how much of a banger it was.

Crystal Express – Raury (FIFA 16): This one went a bit under the radar in FIFA 16, but boy is it good. Raury is known for blending genres, and he does that here with clear R&B and indie influences.

Love Songs – Lola Coca (FIFA 17): Breakups are a well-explored idea in music, but rarely is it done as freshly and honestly as in “Love Songs.” British artist Lola Coca combines her rapping ability with a lo-fi quality to create one of my favorite FIFA songs ever.

Shelter – Porter Robinson & Madeon (FIFA 17): When two of the best electronic DJs combine forces for a track, you hope that their collaboration will live up to the hype. “Shelter” does just that, as the American and French producers create a song that somehow makes you feel safe, living up to the track’s title.

The System Only Dreams in Total Darkness – The National (FIFA 18): The National are not a new act by any means, but I hadn’t heard of them until I heard this song on the FIFA 18 soundtrack. It instantly became one of my favorites, with the guitar solo being a particular highlight. It’s hard for me to pick my favorite FIFA song, but this would undoubtedly be in the running.

Feel the Vibe (feat. Anderson .Paak) – BJ the Chicago Kid (FIFA 20): You really do “Feel the Vibe” when listening to this song. Anderson .Paak stays winning with a smooth verse to start the track off, and BJ the Chicago Kid balances it out with a wonderfully vivid hook. I love this song so much that it’s currently my anthem on Tinder.