Physics Department hires male alligator over female candidates

Cootie Mucus | Senior Salami Editor

In an effort to increase species diversity, the physics department announced on Wednesday that 18-foot-long alligator John Goodman will be hired as the department’s newest faculty member.

Goodman was one of 15 qualified candidates for the position, and was highly sought after by the university.

Alligator storyJostens Yearbooks | Student Life

Other candidates for the position included Harvard professor and theoretical particle researcher Lisa Randall, MIT electrical engineering and computer science professor Shafi Goldwasser, and Astronaut Mae Jemison.

“We just really felt like he was a good fit. None of the other candidates shined quite as brightly as he did. Some people just have it, you know,” physics professor Jonathan I. Dogz said.

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