Washington University athletes will no longer be facing Division III opponents or busing to most of their games. On Monday, Director of Athletics Gosh Bitman shocked the school community when he announced that the Red and Green will finally be joining NCAA Division I athletics and holding all sporting events at the soon-to-be vacated Edward Jones Dome in fall 2015.

At Monday’s press conference, Bitman revealed a secret plan he has pursued since becoming the athletic director last fall: he had been negotiating with the NFL commissioner and St. Louis Rams’ owner Kan Sloenke to purchase the Edward Jones Dome. With very few multi-millionaires interested in the dome and the Rams moving to Los Angeles, Sloenke was desperate to get rid of the dome. Bitman took advantage of the opportunity, striking a $400 million deal.

“Honestly, that dome isn’t like the best place to play in the world, but it sure does beat what we have at Francis Field, and we’ll definitely put a better product on the field than the Rams did.” Bitman said. “The turf is better, we’re going to have a real press box with heating, our athletes will have actual locker rooms and our fans won’t have to sit on those uncomfortable benches anymore. Plus, the NCAA is letting us play in Division I because of it. Isn’t that a worthy investment?”

The board of trustees agreed with Bitman’s vision when he presented the deal, and with a $6.7 billion endowment, the board didn’t hesitate to approve the deal. The deal was then brought to the attention of NCAA President Lark Lemmert, who approved Bitman’s appeal on Sunday before the press conference.

“It’s my honor to welcome another university from Seattle to Division I athletics,” Lemmert said. “Wait, it’s in St. Louis? There’s already several other Washington schools, so we’ll need to make sure fans don’t get that confused.”

At the conference, Bitman also revealed that the Bears are set to join the Big 10 conference, becoming the newest addition since the University of Maryland and Rutgers University officially joined in 2014. Wash. U. will be facing the likes of the University of Michigan and Pennsylvania State University next year, and the Bears will begin recruiting the best high-school athletes around the country, offering several full-ride athletic scholarships.

Everyone attending the conference was in complete disbelief when Bitman broke the news, as most thought the athletic director was merely joking as part of a pre-April Fool’s prank. After Bitman reassured the crowd several times, students and athletes displayed the most school spirit in Wash. U. history by chanting the Bears’ fight song before returning to their physics problem sets. Coaches joined in on the celebration as well, realizing that they finally wouldn’t have to face perennial Division III power Fontbonne University any more.

“It’s about time we played on some real turf and did something to increase the attendance at our football games. I can’t wait to see how my team will match up against Michigan and Penn State,” football head coach Kerry Littlebaum said.

Worried that student attendance at game may still be low despite these investments, Chancellor Marq Wrongton has added a requirement that all undergraduate students must attend at least three Wash. U. sporting events each year or else be forced to live in the Lofts.

Wrongton said that the board has not decided on the future of Francis Field, but he hinted that it will “probably be renovated into a Peabody coal distribution center.”