Smoking community frantically draws up ways to get around next year’s smoking ban

Flatland Sanders | Marlboro Cowboy

With the Washington University smoking ban taking effect this upcoming July, banning all tobacco consumption while on campus property, all student, staff and faculty smokers, snuffers, chewers and dippers are starting to exchange ideas about tobacco usage next year.

For those students, who use snuff, chew and dip, which do not give off smoke fumes during usage, the solution seems to be very simple: use those products in the privacy of your own room. However, this solution becomes slightly complicated by those who live in doubles on campus.

“I decided that if my roommate is in the room, I’m just going to dip in the bathroom,” said Ryan Price, a freshman. “It’s especially convenient because I can just spit in the toilet bowl as I go. I’m hoping that he won’t think that I’m just masturbating all the time, but for all that I know, that might be the thing that Wash. U. wants to outlaw next.”

Students who smoke cigarettes have primarily come up with one of two ideas, each with their own pros and cons.

The first idea is to smoke only after sundown behind buildings.

As senior Natasha Marlboro points out, “The potheads get away with it all the time. However, that also means that we’re going to have to deal with all the potheads when we do that.”

Another issue with that strategy is that it only works for a small portion of one’s day, which will not be enough to satisfy the nicotine cravings of many students, staff and faculty.

“My plan is to just go off campus and light up,” said Brad Blacklung, a sophomore. “I can just walk to Wydown, right across from the middle school, whenever I feel like it. That way, my secondhand smoke harms the St. Louis community instead of the Wash. U. community, making it no longer the concern of the University.”

Other ideas have been circulating among the smoking community, such as moving off-campus, boycotting the University by not going to class/work, or smoking crack instead.

“We’re still trying to brainstorm cheap, simple and efficient ideas,” said Williams. “We have no idea what those could be just yet, but we’re hoping to arrive at a good solution soon. We’re considering every single possibility, but the University isn’t really leaving us with too many options.

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