Chancellor has high hopes for high ranking

Harrison Umrathamson | The man with the plan

Dude iz lookin off into distans. He iz so pensiv n’ hiz tie iz red.

Chancellor Wrighton has led Washington University into the upper echelon of universities in America, and he is on a fast track to make his campus one of the most sustainable in the country. And now he has a new goal: transform Wash. U. into one of the nation’s premier party schools.

In order to do this, Wrighton is soon expected to institute a three-part plan. First, he would like to double the number of fraternities and sororities and convert all of the Village into fraternity housing. Secondly, he plans to work with local grocer Schnuck’s to make the purchasing of “beverages” easier for those under twenty-one years of age. Finally, in an interview with Student Life, he said that he plans “to open his house on Wednesdays for a wild night of bowling.” With a Cheshire cat grin, the chancellor said he plans to call these “off-the-chain parties at my abode Wild Wrighton Wednesdays.”

There has been some concern among students that this initiative to transform Wash. U. into a state-like partying institution will obliterate the school’s current identity as a place of higher learning. Freshman Jeanne Hamilton-Smith from New Jersey said of the plan to transform Wash. U. into one of the country’s foremost party schools: “The whole reason I came to Wash. U. was so I wouldn’t have to socialize. I really think the Chancellor’s new plans are going to make that increasingly difficult.” But others, such as sophomore fraternity member Kevin McMichaels from California said that the Chancellor’s plans are “totally hella rad.”

Reaction among faculty and staff has been mixed. Some professors are concerned that with 24/7 partying, Wash. U. students will forget to come to class or simply be unable to get up in the morning after a night of vodka pong. But other professors see the planned changes as an opportunity for learning. Poetry professor Dr. Martin Olinumrathski said that he feels that his students will “gain a wider array of life experience from partying that will in turn create better poetry.” For now, Chancellor Wrighton has modest aspirations. He would like to focus on taking over the 25th-ranked party school, SUNY-Albany, by early 2012.

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