The orgasm gap

| Sex Columnist

Many girls have never achieved an orgasm. There are also girls that don’t particularly care whether or not they orgasm, girls that lie about having orgasms and girls that lie about enjoying sex at all. According to the Kinsey Institute, 75 percent of men always have orgasms with their partners while only 29 percent of women report the same thing, which perpetuates the widely accepted belief that it is extremely difficult for females to orgasm. Yet instead of asking why women can’t orgasm as often or as easily as men, we need to be asking why the female sexual experience in our culture is so dramatically different than the male sexual experience.

Our sexual culture has not only failed to educate men about the female body, but more significantly, it has failed to educate women about their own bodies. The lack of education for both partners generates unequal sexual relationships in which the essential goal and main focus of sex is the male orgasm. When asked “what concludes sexual activity?” a senior female confided, “When a guy finishes, it’s a happy ending, and if a guy doesn’t orgasm from sex or from oral sex, it’s an unhappy ending, but somehow never the guy’s fault—unless he was too drunk.”

There are a multitude of factors that inhibit the female sexual experience. Obviously, some men hook up with women solely because they want to have an orgasm while other men fail to understand the concept of reciprocation—no, I do not consider “quid-pro-quo” reciprocation. Yet there are men out there who would love for their partners to experience an orgasm with all its grandeur. In fact, a sophomore male confessed to me that he only enjoyed intercourse when his partner reached orgasm and otherwise felt guilty. If there are indeed men who get pleasure from giving pleasure, then what actually limits the female sexual experience?

Unfortunately, many females are content with not having an orgasm when they engage in sex. The orgasm gap is so common that it is the norm. With 70 percent of women not regularly climaxing from sex and 70 percent of men always climaxing from sex, women understandably don’t believe the orgasm is available to them.

My advice to women: You want to achieve the big O, and once you do, you won’t be able to get enough. The most important thing you can do is know yourself and your body. Grab a handheld mirror and say hello to your sexual side, because you’ve got a lot of catching up to do. If you are a female who has never experienced orgasm (for those of you who “think” you have had an orgasm, you have not), buy a vibrator and some lube immediately.

My advice for men: Giving pleasure can be unbelievably pleasurable, and her sexual pleasure will only enhance yours. Be perceptive to your partner’s wants and needs, ask tons of questions and make her feel comfortable with her body so she can share it with you without reservations.

My advice for everyone: Sex should be a mutual experience that involves exploring each other’s bodies, discovering how they complement and satisfy each other and using these unique and creative ways to augment and share pleasure. There is nothing more satisfying than sharing this intense, mind-blowing, breathtaking, leg-quivering sensation with somebody you care about.

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