Elliana Lilling | Contributing Illustrator

I feel like everyone rushed this year. My older sister went to WashU and said Greek Life wasn’t a big thing, but then this spring it seemed like everyone was doing it. I decided to rush but I got dropped from the only two sororities I felt like I connected with. Now I feel like everyone is in Greek Life and I missed my opportunities to make friends and be part of a social organization. What should I do? Should I have joined a sorority I didn’t vibe with just to be part of it all? This feels suffocating and lonely…help!

– Panicked Potential New Member (PNM)

Dear Panicked PNM,

Sure Greek Life is all around you, but it’s not everybody’s college experience. Take us writers for example: One of us is a junior in a sorority, while the other is a junior and completely unaffiliated with Greek Life. Neither of us is friendless.

From a sorority member who has been on both sides, rush can be extremely overwhelming. While it is exciting to meet so many different people, it is balanced by the anxiety of waking up at 5 a.m. to see which chapters invited you back for their Philanthropy and Preference Rounds. 

For many who rushed, it can be confusing why certain chapters invite more PNMs back than others.While the number of people a sorority decides to invite back is up to their discretion, it normally comes down to two factors:

1. How many PNMs a chapter can have in a pledge class (PC) 
2. The likelihood a PNM would accept a bid from that chapter

This process can be tough for sororities when decisions essentially come down to five-minute conversations with PNMs but even harder for PNMs simply receiving final decisions without knowing the process. I understand, even with this information, it is upsetting to be dropped from a house you felt a connection with. I have friends who have had similar rush experiences and either decided to continue to rush or drop completely. Two years later, “post-rush,” I can report back that they are extremely happy where they landed, whether it be in a different chapter or outside of Greek Life. 

Most likely, you are seeing billions of Instagram posts of “Bid Day” featuring people in your year. Just know that this is the scheduled posting cycle of many sororities’ social media accounts. As time passes, and people settle back into school, these types of posts will only come in waves for certain events (Big-Little Reveal, Mardi Gras, etc.). Eventually, it will start to fade into the background and it won’t feel like everyone is in a sorority. Which is completely true! There are many people on campus who either dropped the rush process or didn’t even participate and still have a community at WashU. And even if your friend group is split between being part of Greek Life and not, that doesn’t mean that your friendship will end. 

Now, speaking from the perspective of a non-Greek Life affiliate, WashU, unlike bigger state schools, does not center social life around Greek Life. This, in a way, is a good thing because it allows students to find many different communities in a variety of different ways. Many students find their niche in other clubs or extracurriculars (Cough Cough StudLife, join Student Life!). Don’t be afraid to try a new club if it interests you. Additionally, if you have people you talk to in your classes, or in your dorm, reaching out is less awkward than you might think. There are plenty of people with no Greek letters still searching for friends, and college friendships have a funny way of blossoming in the most unexpected circumstances.

To that point, it honestly just takes time, patience, and some trial-and-error to find your people. It’s not something that you can force, and it can (frustratingly) take a long time to build a lasting friendship or friend group. It’s very common — in fact, a lot more common than you might assume — for college students to not find the right people for a while. I know many people, both in Greek Life and not, who didn’t meet their best friend until they were juniors.

The reality is that your college social life will always be fluctuating. But that’s good because it means nothing is set in stone. Rush does not make or break your social network at WashU, no matter if you joined Greek Life, if you got dropped, or if you didn’t rush. While it can take a while to meet them, take heart in that there are thousands of people for you to meet on campus and that your niche of people is still out there. No matter what, it will work out. 

Your Big, 

Scene