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‘I wish it could be a secret’: Students grapple with their decision to receive the vaccine
Quick, easy, painless. That is how freshman Hailey Weiss described her experience getting the first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine. The shot was so painless that at first, she wasn’t even sure that she got it, the only thing assuring her being the sight of blood under her bandage. As an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) in her home state of Maryland, Weiss was able to get the vaccine in accordance with her county’s rollout plan.
The second dose is different, often coming with a host of side effects that the first one lacked. For Weiss, this meant 40 hours of headaches, chills and a fever that topped out at 103 degrees, the highest she’s ever had. But the side effects haven’t stopped the students who’ve gotten the vaccine from feeling good about it.
“Now that I’m vaccinated,” explained freshman Julia Strauss, who recently got her second dose of the vaccine in Michigan due to working at a COVID testing site, “I definitely feel a lot safer being around other people, going about my daily life and everything.”
In some students’ experience, however, this newfound security feeds into feelings of guilt about getting the vaccine in the first place. Being college students, they never expected that they would get the vaccine so early. And while they’ve already had their chance to get the vaccine, the shot is growing increasingly coveted by the day. This has led to delays in vaccinating the people who really need it as private sign-ups for vaccinations have, at least in Weiss’ case, been repeatedly shared to the public, forcing them to be remade over and over again. As communicated in a Washington University-wide email on Wednesday, these kinds of incidents have affected the University too. According to the email, people have been walking into vaccine clinics meant only for first responders and individuals with high risk.
“I do know that the only reason I was able to get it was because of my parents’ positions as physicians. I think that other people have it worse than me,” said freshman Sylvia Duarte, who got her vaccination in Houston, Texas. Duarte explained that she felt guilty about being able to get a vaccine while her mother’s clinic, which serves mostly minority and low-income patients, hasn’t received any vaccines. “A lot of people that should get it aren’t getting it,” Duarte said.
Duarte isn’t alone in having their vaccination weigh on their conscience. Freshman Duryn Dunbar, another Houston native, has also found that feelings of guilt have been undermining her happiness at getting the vaccine. She especially feels this way, she explained, when she has to tell her friends why she won’t be on campus for a few days during the third week of classes, since she has to go back to Houston to get the second dose of the vaccine. “I wish it could be a secret,” Dunbar said.
For some, the best way of coping with the guilt has simply been acknowledging that they got their vaccine fairly under their state or county’s rollout plans and didn’t cheat the system. “I have to remind myself,” Dunbar said, “it’s not like I paid money to get the vaccine, I was in phase 2.”
However, even with this acknowledgment, it can still be difficult for students who’ve been vaccinated to feel good in doing so. This is the case for freshman Jessica Boyd, who received her vaccine through her online volunteering position at a medical clinic in St. Louis. “My job doesn’t justify me getting it,” Boyd said, “but I don’t necessarily think it’s unfair because I feel like at this point, it’s going to be a little random going forward.”
Ultimately, the only method to assuage the guilt that seems to stick is knowing that getting the vaccine was a reasonable decision. Getting the vaccine is a choice that makes them and everyone around them safer, so why wouldn’t they have taken it?
“I realized that anyone in my position if they were able to get the vaccine, would get the vaccine,” Duarte explained, “I think that should be the case for anyone—if they have the chance to get the vaccine, they should definitely take it.”