Class is in session: Best campus buildings to have sex in
It’s a bummer that Valentine’s Day is on a Tuesday. Chances are, you already did something special over the weekend with your significant other. Or, if you’re single, you already ate a pint of Ben and Jerry’s this weekend. Still, just because it’s a Tuesday doesn’t mean you can’t do something special while staying right on campus. Try having sex with your partner in a campus building! Single people, don’t feel left out. These buildings are also great for sitting alone and eating another pint of Ben and Jerry’s. These are our top picks:
I’m a little biased because I spend a lot of time in this building. But still, if you had to have sex in a campus building, this would be the one. Every floor has its perks. The lower level has vending machines. The second and third floors have windows with great views of campus. The fourth floor has a cool stairway. The first floor is kind of boring, but maybe you’re into that! Seigle also offers more privacy than most campus buildings—since those doors take so long to open, you and your partner will have ample time to get dressed if someone walks in!
Cupples Hall I and II:
Get lost in love with your partner while simultaneously getting lost. Let’s be real: Cupples is the worst franchise since the “Fast and Furious” movies. Regardless of which one I go into, I always have war flashbacks of times that I’ve gotten lost and walked around aimlessly covered in sweat. I still avoid them when I can. But, when your only purpose for being in Cupples I or II isn’t to find a dingy classroom, the possibilities are endless! You can even uniquely incorporate dirty talk. Saying things like, “Wait is this American Lit class in Cupples I or II? I’m going to be so late” and “Literally what the hell is this random doorway doing here” will surely get you and your partner going.
Nothing says “sex” like an intimate, fireplace setting. Also, nothing says “sex” like a huge painting of a man in a black robe above that fireplace. Well, maybe not the latter, but at least in Holmes you have nice comfy chairs, and it’s almost always (nearly) empty at night. So, dim those chandeliers and enjoy.
Specifically Starbucks. Yeah, actually, I do think you and your partner should break into Starbucks at night. Think about it—you get the adrenaline rush of breaking and entering (a felony!), while also getting down and dirty next to espresso machines. Throw some whipped cream up in this mess! Find some maraschino cherries! Straight up dive into a pile of wet coffee grounds that someone forgot to throw out! It’s all for you and your partner to enjoy, up until the cops show up.