Romance 101: What not to do while hooking up

| Special Features Editor

So you’re in college now—the big leagues. Between drinking and dorm rooms, university life contains a hook-up culture that you won’t find anywhere else. Whether you’re planning on keeping your sexual morals or leaving them at home to make room in your suitcase for new lingerie, things are going to change, and it’s important to be prepared.

Most people are not qualified to tell others what to do in the bedroom. Everyone has different styles, and what works for one person may not necessarily work for another. But just like that show “What Not to Wear,” there are definitely acts that fit under the category of “What Not to Do While Hooking Up.” So here is the Wash. U. Guide to Hookup Don’ts:

Don’t hook up in your roommate’s bed. You might have gotten away with going at it in a friend’s bed at a party in high school, but that’s not very nice either. You have no excuses now, so stay on your own side of the room.

Don’t give in to the convenience of floorcest. You’ll hear this over and over because it’s that important. If that means hooking up with a semi-random person instead, so be it. It’ll probably be less awkward in the end.

Don’t leave your socks on. It’s just weird.

Don’t say “I love you” for the first time while your partner is…pleasing you. It’s just about as genuine as typing “ILY” on AIM. And don’t say it if you don’t mean it.

Don’t break out the fuzzy handcuffs for the first hookup. Those are for special occasions with someone who already knows and is comfortable with how freaky you are.

Guys: Don’t ask how you compare to other guys that a girl has been with, especially in terms of size. It will undoubtedly make her uncomfortable and make you look like you need to affirm your masculinity. Be proud of what you’ve got!

Girls: Don’t steal a guy’s shirt the morning after, unless he takes yours, in which case it’s totally fair game, but you might want to end things with him anyway.

Don’t hook up on the Bunny. Not only is it dangerous, but the Bunny is also not into threesomes.

Don’t hook up in the common room. You may be an exhibitionist, but not everyone is prepared to be a member of the audience.
Well, there you have it. There are probably many other things that you can do wrong, but at the very least, people won’t be telling stories with you playing the role of “that guy” or “the crazy chick.”

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