Come Back to Bed

| Forum Editor

Dear Wash. U.,

I’m starting to feel neglected. I always wanted to be the most important part of your life, but lately, I feel like you keep pushing me aside to make time for your other “priorities.” And when we do spend time together, you’re always late. Most nights, we don’t even meet up until like 3 a.m. What kind of relationship is that?

Sure, we spend some quality time together on weekends, but I’m getting sick of being your two-days-a-week fling. It’s not only that your weekend alcohol binges ruin the quality of our time together. Saturday and Sunday just aren’t enough anymore. You need to make time for me on weeknights. Seven to eight hours, in fact, would be ideal, but heck, I’d settle for six.

I long for the days when we’d curl up in bed together—pajamas on, lights off, no distractions. I felt so much more appreciated. Now, I’m lucky if you remember to brush your teeth. Sometimes, they even look stained, as if you might be cheating on me with that tall, dark friend of yours.

And then there’s this library business. I’ve tried to tell you a hundred times, the library is just not an acceptable location for our rendezvous. And you never leave us enough time there either. It usually takes at least 90 minutes for me to lead you to your dreams.

I know you’re busy, and I know that I’m not the most exciting thing in your life anymore, but I truly do believe you’re better off with me. You’re happier, healthier, more alert. You keep blaming schoolwork for your inattention, but the truth is, even your grades improve when we hang out. Sure, I miss you, but this letter is really about what’s best for you.

Besides, deep down, I know you miss me too. You know how great we are together. Let’s face it: I bring out the best in you. And you’re lucky to be with me. Some people lie awake in bed for hours every night, wondering if they’ll ever find me. I’m confident we can make this work. You just need to rethink your to-do list a bit. Add some balance to your life. Come on, you know you want me. You just have to work a little harder for it.

Love,

Sleep

P.S. The gym sends her regards as well. She said she hasn’t seen your red biker shorts in months. Maybe you should stop by for a quick ride?

Sign up for the email edition

Stay up to date with everything happening as Washington University returns to campus.

Subscribe