Fox News host Tucker Carlson stands up for his red-blooded patriots, addressing, once again, the real problem this country is facing: woke, feminist M&M’s. This war against Americans is not new. One year ago, Tucker commented on M&M’s rebranding, remarking that, “M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous, until you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. When you’re totally turned off, we’ve achieved equity.” Echoing this, Walter Kirn pointed out that M&M’s “wanted to get the PR for going woke, so they had to invent a problem.” This, of course, was said during an entire segment devoted to woke M&M’s — a real, totally uninvented, problem. 

Flash forward to January 11, and with the news of a new promotional wrapper featuring all-female M&M’s — the green and brown M&M’s and a new purple peanut M&M — Tucker is fired up. “The Green M&M got her boots back,” he said on air, beginning with a small victory for his viewers. “But,” he continued, “is apparently now a lesbian, maybe?” The suggestive imagery in the new branding have led many to believe that this suspicion may be correct. 

And, if that’s not enough, Tucker points out that the purple M&M — though deceptively taller and thinner than any of the other M&M’s — represents a “plus-sized, obese” character. While many might see a joke, I see a troubled man, grappling with the fact that his sexual cartoon fantasy is not only becoming less sexy but also, apparently, not even attracted to men like himself. And now, with sudden news of M&M’s “indefinite pause” of all of their spokescandies, he’ll no longer be able to view them at all. Poor Tucker.

I sincerely hope that nobody who actually watches Fox News mistook my sympathy in those beginning paragraphs as my genuine opinion. But Fox News does actually take the rebranding of M&M’s to be a very serious concern — which is, in my opinion, hilarious. Moving past the fact that Tucker Carlson is upset that M&M’s are no longer f***able, though, there are real questions to be asked: Why have M&M’s changed their branding recently? And why have they caved to Tucker’s commentaries, releasing a statement that Maya Rudolph will be replacing the cartoon candies in the next Super Bowl commercial? 

There is a history of sexualizing female M&M characters that the company seems to be breaking away from. Perhaps the initial change was for the exact reason of pissing off people like Carlson, using a culture war as a means of publicity and media attention. But even if this is in part the case, were they also attempting to push a movement of inclusivity? Or, were they simply following consumer demands, responding to an already changing culture? And, despite their initial intentions, why go back on their actions after concerns from Fox News? 

In the 2022 rebranding, the M&M’s company was not making a radical decision, trying to change its consumers; its consumers were simply changing the company. In a 2016 article, Insider reported that in the 1990s, M&M’s lost their icon status and “called upon ad agency BBDO to try to revitalize the brand.” This new marketing team birthed the iconic M&M personas: “Red (the sarcastic one), Yellow (the simple one), Blue (the cool one), and Green (the sexy one) — and later, Brown and Orange, too.” The female representation was reduced to one character, assigned the most sexualized stereotype. 

O’Reilly of “Insider” explained that giving the green M&M go-go boots was a solution because “all the early drawings made Green look as though she had shapeless, tree trunk legs — not in-fitting with her seductress character.” Everything about her was fit to be seductive and dainty, so men like Tucker Carlson could wet their pants. The characters were created in the 1990s, a time which, as Allison Yarrow of Time Magazine puts it, “didn’t advance women and girls; rather, the decade was marked by a shocking, accelerating effort to subordinate them.” She explains that although many female accomplishments became popularized, women were continually over-sexualized in the media. 

However, by 2022, the public had changed. The concept of gender as an institution had become a popular discussion, and the traditional roles of men and women had been questioned entirely. With this development, M&M’s made the initial rebranding update of dropping Green M&M’s go-go boots and giving her comfortable sneakers — a more common, everyday look.

To give credit where it’s due, the all-female wrapper campaign has helped raise money for female nonprofits, and Mars — the parent company — has announced a commitment to workplace diversity. However, M&M’s branding, throughout time, has only ever reflected the popular culture surrounding it. In fact, if they had ever been attempting to create change, rather than simply respond to it, they would have made more ambitious steps beyond simple optics before it was the popular thing to do. 

Companies are allowed to change, and should change, but it feels disingenuous to only ever be reactionary, whether the surrounding culture pushes them in a progressive or regressive direction. The fact that they also took Fox News’ concerns seriously and replaced the modernized M&M cartoons with a non-controversial human actress shows that the company doesn’t stand for anything, but is rather solely responsive, trying to please all of its consumers. While I support the efforts the company has made to adapt to a more inclusive world, it feels wrong to also adapt to conservative demands. 

Don’t get me wrong, Maya Rudolph is a fabulous choice to represent M&M’s (though, personally, I would have suggested Marshal Mathers). But, after taking away the modern M&M characters in response to conservative criticism, the company does have some explaining to do. In the aftermath of the pandemic, anthropomorphic M&Ms were the last workers I thought would be laid off, yet here we are. Absolutely nuts. 

One possible come-back for the company here is if in 2024, they give them back their jobs, and instead of making the female M&Ms less sexy, they give Green M&M her boots back and then also make the whole cast of M&M’s complete sex icons. Perhaps a crossover commercial here with Sexy M&Ms — nutty on the inside, but melts in your mouth — and Magic Mike-and-Ikes could bring back public interest. Or, maybe the M&M’s have more than one defining trait? Maybe Green M&M feels sexy in some photo-shoots and casual in others: same with the rest of the cast. 

In all seriousness though, thoughtful representation is important, but what’s more important is maintaining persistence against conservative backlash and following optics with actions. Whatever the future holds, I’d like for the company to have the fortitude to commit to something truly progressive without cowering to disgusting talk-show hosts like Tucker Carlson.