Editor’s Note: This article deals with suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts. While the article provides resources, additional resources are available at the bottom of the article. 

If you’re having a harder time at Washington University than you’d thought you would, you’re not alone; college is difficult, and often packed with first-time challenges related to more than just academics — first loves, first jobs, first financial challenges. All these firsts can be a brutal test of your resilience at a time when you are also making big changes, studying challenging academic programs, planning your career and learning how to be an adult human — no pressure! Thoughts of suicide can show up in those overwhelming moments when what we’re asked to cope with eclipses our skills to carry it. CDC research revealed 25% of college students thought seriously about suicide last year, often after a big painful loss like a breakup, failed class or big financial setback. LGBTQIA+ students can experience the same pains compounded by family rejection and internalized heterosexism. As a college student, you may experience multiple challenges and feel so overwhelmed it feels hopeless; in later adulthood (with a fully developed prefrontal cortex and the confidence in your own resilience that a few more years of successfully overcoming adversity will bring) you’ll bounce back quicker, but coping with suicidal ideation in college can be a key skill to stay alive until then, to give you the opportunity to get better at getting through overwhelming pain.  

If it’s you:

• Shrink your focus. What you’re struggling with is overwhelming right now, so just concentrate on getting through the moment alive. See if you can even improve the moment: get something to eat, wash your face, go for a walk, take a nap. Almost half of people who decide to attempt suicide will try to do so within 20 minutes of making that decision, so a good question to ask yourself is “What can I do to make it through the next 20 minutes?” Future you may be able to figure out how to cope with this in a way you’re not seeing right now. This goes triple if you’re not sober, because alcohol and other drugs have a way of twisting our pain and making it seem even more hopeless. 
• Check your self-talk. Imagine your closest friend comes to you and tells you they’re in so much pain they want to die and that they feel lost and hopeless. What would you tell them? How would you try to show them gentle love and compassion? Do you talk to yourself that way? In a competitive environment it’s easy to get frustrated with ourselves, but in a crisis it’s important to be kind and patient.
• Call or text a crisis line. You can call us at Habif anytime at 314-935-6666 or text the national Crisis Text Line at 741-741. Crisis counselors talk with you about what’s hurting and help you figure out a plan to cope with it short-term to stay safe. Going to the hospital may be part of that plan if it’s the best way to help you live through that moment, but often crisis counselors can help callers identify skills and resources they already have that will help; it’s pretty much their entire deal.  
• Talk to someone else if you’re not sure about calling a crisis line. Isolation drives up suicide risk; connecting with others is important for getting through overwhelming moments. Another big suicide risk factor? Feeling like a burden. Sometimes people don’t reach out for support with big pain because they’re worried it’ll burden others, but if you’ve ever had a friend turn to you for support, you may know that instead of feeling like a burden, it feels connecting and important to get to help that friend.
• Commit to getting help. What do you need to be different about your life for it to be less overwhelming? Do you need to heal? Are you missing something you need? Do you need to learn a new skill, like how to connect with others or how to moderate your drinking? If you can identify ways you want to change your life, that’s a great first step! Skills you need can be learned via therapy at Habif, TimelyCare or self-guided tools like books or videos, so you can get better at coping with pain and feel more hopeful.  

If it’s a friend you’re trying to help:

• Listen, validate, reflect; don’t jump to solutions. If you notice someone’s acting off, let them know what you’re seeing and ask them an open-ended question to invite them to talk to you about it: “You seem down, how’s it going?” When someone we care about is in pain, it’s natural to want to try to solve it for them or minimize it hoping they’ll feel better, but that usually backfires and shuts the conversation down. Imagine a pinball game where it’s your job to just keep the ball on the table by flipping it back into play; you can keep them talking by reflecting what they’re saying (“It sounds like you’re really scared about this class”) and validating their pain (“I’d be so hurt if that happened to me, too”). Your goal is to let them process what they’re experiencing, not stop them from experiencing it.
• Ask them directly about suicide if you’re worried. If someone is using a lot of stuck, hopeless language or mentions not wanting to be here, check in with “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” Asking so clearly communicates your concern and willingness to have that conversation, and if they are thinking about suicide, their risk decreases once they start sharing that with you. Sometimes concerned people worry they’ll give someone the idea if they ask about suicide, but that’s just not how it works; asking decreases risk.
• Help them get help. It can be scary to hear someone you care about is thinking about suicide, but know that in that moment they’re not alone with their pain, and that is a big deal. Ask them what they’re thinking about doing to get help to get through this awful time, and be ready to provide suggestions like checking out the TimelyCare app or talking to a Habif crisis counselor (we’re here 24/7), a faith leader, a trusted RA or a family member. It’s important not to keep suicidal thoughts a secret; if you need help navigating supporting a friend (and taking care of yourself!), call us to talk it through. 

Resources for mental health support:

Behavioral Health Response (BHR) is a Missouri organization that provides crisis support, telephone counseling and mental health resources. They can be reached 24/7 at 1-800-811-4760.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline provides free and confidential support 24/7. They can be reached at 1-800-273-8255 or online at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/.

The Steve Fund, an organization dedicated to the mental health and emotional well-being of students of color, has a 24/7 crisis text line that can be reached by texting STEVE to 741741.

The Trevor Project, a suicide preventation organization for LGBTQIA+ individuals, can be reached by calling 1-866-488-7386, texting START to 678-678 or online at thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now/.

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