is here!

Libel 2014

SPB’s spring W.I.L.D. shortlist leaked

Social Programming Board finally announced on Sunday night that Childish Gambino will headline this year’s spring W.I.L.D., but he wasn’t SPB’s first choice. In a desperate attempt to break the news of the W.I.L.D. headliner before SPB, Student Life conducted an undercover investigation and managed to get its hands on the original shortlist of W.I.L.D. artists.

Nemo Jaundice | Beautiful Hipster

~*20 things about #your20things*~

Welcome to the Washington University community, Class of 2018. We couldn’t help but notice your super-interesting, totally original 20-things-about-you posts, so we decided to do one of our own to help prepare you for your next four years. Anyway, it’s not like we have anything better to do with our time 1.

Kit Mao named new WUSTL Athletic Director

After Director of Athletics Sean Jael announced his plans for retirement at the conclusion of the 2013-14 school year, the Washington University athletic department began a nationwide search for its replacement.

Omaha! Omaha! | Has Big Forehead

Mosaic Project builds actual mosaic

Whitey Booger | Possible Mob Affiliate

University goes ‘all in’ on new athletic complex

As the Olin Business School’s new buildings signified a call on Washington University’s ridiculous string of raises with new halls, the athletic department decided to end the round of betting once and for all. Or at least for a year or so before the newly redesigned athletic complex is out of date.

Poseidon Tomlinson | All-Around Boss

‘Essential’ luxuries added to Delmar Lofts to mollify residents

In response to ongoing student protests by those forced to live among the storied perils of Delmar Blvd., Residential Life has decided to add much-needed luxuries to convince students that they aren’t being deported to North County.

Sam Spendthrift | Economics Minor

Former Student Life EIC leaks confidential Athletic Department documents, forced to seek asylum at Fontbonne University

Senior Saheel Pateel, former editor-in-chief of Student Life, has fled to Fontbonne University, where he is petitioning for asylum after leaking documents proving that the Athletic Department has been spying on its own athletes.

Manuel Zimbabwe | Anti-Squirrel Vigilante

Yarmulkes and wedding bouquets come to Bear’s Den in attempt to jump-start flailing Wash. U. fundraising

Administrators announced last Thursday that, as an added fundraising unit of the Leading Together campaign, Bear’s Den and College Hall will now be rented out as Bar/Bat Mitzvah and wedding locations. After an unsuccessful early push for the $2.

Sweater Kid | Every Position

Homeless freshman roams Delmar Loop after ResLife debacle

Phil Green, a native of Lexington, Mass., grew up in a luxurious five bedroom home, complete with seven full baths and a half bath in the pool-house annex. Never had he imagined taking to the streets, begging for crusts of St. Louis Bread Co. bread bowls and spare bits of stale Dough-to-Door cookies.

Madeye Moody | Staff Auror

‘Real Housewives of St. Louis’ an absolutely unmitigated disaster of a spinoff

Bravo, the network known for Top Chef and for being gayer than LOGO, recently premiered the pilot of their latest “Real Housewives” spinoff this past Wednesday, set in our very own home city of St. Louis. And if the pilot was any indication, this could be the trashiest edition of “Real Housewives” yet.

Gay Alicia Florrick | XOXO Gossip Girl

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