Top 10 moments from… ‘What Would Ryan Lochte Do?’
1. The “unnecessary quotes” on descriptions of Ryan’s siblings
Ryan’s siblings each got an intro freeze frame complete with descriptors of their place in the family. Yes, we got to meet Ryan’s “oldest sister” and “younger brother.” We’re not quite sure if the Lochte family thinks these words are jargon exclusive to it, but it wouldn’t surprise us. Perhaps this is all setting up a plot later in the season when we find out his siblings aren’t actually related to him. They also wore a lot of tie-dye and gave Ryan dating advice.
2. One of his favorite movies is “What Women Want”
Ryan and his sisters decide to have a movie night. Ryan is too scared to watch “Silence of the Lambs,” so he suggests the Mel Gibson-Helen Hunt romantic comedy “What Women Want.” I can’t think of a movie choice that would have made me laugh harder than that.
3. “Families of their owns”
This quote was just one of the many incorrect grammar highlights of the show. Lochte also asked, “What is a douchebag?” and said, “Define player,” doing absolutely no favors to his harmless yet hilariously empty-headed reputation.
4. Swim practice after that crazy night of “turning it up”
“If you’re a man at night, you’ve got to be a man in the morning.” –Ryan Lochte. Yes, after a night full of tequila shots and flirting with girls, Lochte woke up for an intensive swim workout the next morning. He puts all college students to shame.
5. The fact that he sucks at flag football
Toward the beginning of the episode, Lochte went to play flag football with some of his bros and his actual bro, younger brother and roommate Devon. Ryan Lochte appeared to have no knowledge of how flag football actually worked as he made a bet against his younger brother that whoever scored a touchdown on the next play would win and get to make the other do something ridiculous. He then proceeded to throw the football directly to Devon Lochte, who returned the interception for a touchdown. Stick to sports in the pool.
6. Detailing Devon Lochte’s car with his toothbrush
As the payoff to winning the flag football bet, Devon Lochte challenged his older brother to detail his car with a toothbrush, but Ryan Lochte is not as dumb as he looks (or sounds, for that matter). He used Devon Lochte’s toothbrush to clean the tires, a smart move for revenge—and when you consider that it was Ryan Lochte who pulled it off, it’s an incredibly impressive one as well.
7. Fake Jamiee
In the first episode of “WWRLD,” we discovered Lochte’s been in an on-again, off-again relationship with a British girl named Jamiee. But this spot on our list is not devoted to Jamiee, rather the actress who played her in a weird montage scene in which Ryan greets her at the door, hugs her and takes her on dates without us ever seeing the face of this “Jamiee.” (And that, “WWRLD,” is how you use quotation marks.)
8. Lochte helping his nephew bowl
There were a lot of laughable moments in “WWRLD,” but this was not one of them. During a family bowling night, Lochte helped his young nephew bowl. It was too adorable to handle.
9. That time he cried about getting the gold medal and having his family be there
Out of all the things we were expecting from “WWRLD,” a sincere moment about the emotion of achieving the nearly impossible was not one of them. Lochte cried in an interview about the emotion of having his family support him at his first Olympics. True to himself, he followed the tears up with the statement, “This is the first time I’ve ever cried on camera. F—.”
10. He takes all his dates to the same sushi restaurant
We’ll let him summarize this one to you in his own words: “It might be the same place. It might be the same table. But it’s a different girl.” Words of wisdom, indeed.
“What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” airs on Sunday nights at 9 CST on E!