Evaluating Super Bowl XLV commercials

| Cadenza Staff

The Super Bowl: It’s the biggest sporting event of the year, and that means advertisers will pay the most to get awesome commercials on screen and sell us their products. Here’s how we feel about them.

Best Buy: Ozzy versus Bieber
Although I couldn’t really tell that this was a Best Buy commercial and all it did was leave me wondering where I could get my very own Bieber 6G, I’m glad the Biebs could make fun of himself. Though the pairing made me wish he had guested on “The Osbournes,” back when that was still a thing.

Bridgestone: Carma
A driver’s tires allow him to narrowly miss a beaver. The grateful rodent acknowledges the man with a salute. Six months later during a storm, the beaver returns the favor, again thanks to the man’s superior tires, by felling a tree right in front of the car. The bridge behind the tree has washed away. The animal and the amazed driver acknowledge each other again. This commercial relied on good-natured humor, and definitely succeeded in demonstrating the high performance of Bridgestone tires.

Bridgestone: Reply All
We’ve all been there before. You hit “reply all” by accident and then you have to suffer the consequences…except in this commercial, where the guy takes corners at high speeds, on a mission to destroy every laptop he sees. Any commercial that is 50 percent yelling wins in my book.

Bud Light: Dog Party
I feel like this commercial was an ad for the dogs, not the beer. And selling dogs is mean! Otherwise, a fun one, but not as cool as Doritos’s “House Sitting.” Apparently, all I need to do is go away and awesome things will occur in my house. Lame.

Budweiser: Tiny Dancer
Basically a Budweiser commercial parading as a crappy Bud Light commercial. And Bud Light’s commercials were already pretty crappy.

CarMax: I Feel Like
Sometimes it feels good to watch absurd humor unfold for 30 seconds straight. Yes, watching it makes me feel like a wrestler at a folding chair factory.

Chrysler: Eminem
OK, so we know from Eminem’s Brisk ad that he only records commercials if he can do it from home. Two quarters later, we see Eminem driving across great urban swaths of Detroit. Now, if Eminem doesn’t leave his property to do ads, then just how much of Detroit does Shady own? He must be like the Ted Turner of Motor City! That, or Brisk got played.

Coca-Cola: Border
Two sentries pace back and forth on opposite sides of a line in the sand. After regarding each other suspiciously, they share a brief break for a Coke. Afterwards, they return to business as usual. The charm in this advertisement lies in the anachronistic details…Other cute details include their tasseled uniforms, a satellite dish, and a rogue lollipop wrapper. The actors portraying the guards add to the hilarity by exaggerating their characters’ officiousness. The humor hit the right note, and ultimately this commercial was better than any of the other beverage advertisements.

Doritos: House Sitting
My fish Chuckie I, Chuckie II, Tommy I, Tommy II, Phil, Lil, and Lil II (yes, I really liked the Rugrats growing up) wished Doritos were that magical. Otherwise, I’ll stick to pretzels.

E-Trade: Suit Fitting
The E-Trade baby is back, and as always, he’s pretty funny. Just remember not to enjoy it too much, guys, because every time one of these commercials gets popular, another “Look Who’s Talking” sequel gets fast-tracked.

GoDaddy.com: Joan Rivers
No. No no no no no. Noooooooo.

Oh, God. God, no. The…legs….The…sallow, pinned-back face skin….Those dead, expressionless eyes…the eyes, the milky eyes…. Not funny GoDaddy, not funny at all. We will NOT go see what happens next. We STILL don’t even know what exactly you’re for.

GroupOn.com: Tibet
Seriously, fish curry is awesome. Good find, GroupOn.

Pretty funny, but mean to Tibet. At least they won’t have TVs to see it.

Motorola: Xoom
“Maybe I’m just an Android fanboy, but I love watching Motorola and Google take a shot at Apple,” is what I write from the comforts of my MacBook Pro.

NFL: Super Bowl Celebration
Maybe it’s just the diehard TV fan in me, but I sort of felt honored by this commercial. It’s weird, considering I pretty much only watch the NFL during the Super Bowl and when my guy friends put it on, but this commercial made me want to watch more football. Or at least, more TV about football.

Pepsi: Can Thrower
So am I supposed to drink Pepsi because I want to please my wife or because I want to be an individual? Make up your mind, Pepsi! And the violence was unnecessary. It just ended up looking like they needed a punch line.

Teleflora: Faith Hill
Is it really the best idea to insult guys so easily on Super Bowl Sunday? Well, with Valentine’s Day so close, maybe they did them all a favor with the fun flowers commercial.

Volkswagon: The Force
Who’s both an unstoppable force of evil and utterly adorable? Why, it’s Kid Darth Vader, of course. But after a long day of force-failures, he’s nearly given up his faith. Thankfully his Dad gives him a little victory by remote-starting the Passat. You can almost see Kid Darth Vader’s shocked face through his opaque (and oversized) mask. To bang out an old adage, the force is strong with this one.

Sign up for the email edition

Stay up to date with everything happening as Washington University returns to campus.