How to pretend you read ‘The Hunger Games’

Courtesy of Murray Close | MCT

Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence, left) and Gale Hawthorne (Liam Hemsworth) star in “The Hunger Games.”

Unless you’ve been living in a bubble, you’re probably aware that the film version of “The Hunger Games” will open tomorrow, March 22 (or tonight at midnight, for the dedicated). Many of you have become intimately acquainted with the story of Katniss, a 16-year-old girl from the post-apocalyptic version of Appalachia, District 12. You know all about her grim adventure in the Hunger Games arena and how the 74th Annual Hunger Games play out. You have your reasons for liking either Peeta or Gale, and you are expecting the film to make you cry multiple times. But there are some of you who haven’t yet been touched by the phenomenon, which we in Cadenza don’t really understand. That being said, we decided to help the uninitiated out by providing some talking points to use in the car ride when your friends inevitably drag you to see the film this weekend. Just bring these points up in conversation—they’ll get your friends talking long enough for you get to the Esquire or the Galleria.

1. I’m on Team Peeta because I think it was cruel for author Suzanne Collins to name the baker’s son after a type of bread.

2. The country of Panem is a seriously twisted futuristic place.

3. How can you be on Team Gale? He’s dating Miley Cyrus, for goodness’ sake.

4. So… Cinna’s basically a BAMF. You agree?

5. I’m so glad they didn’t cast Willow Smith to play Rue, like the rumors were hinting at. The Hunger Games are scary enough…I’m not sure I could imagine some hair-whipping in the arena, too.

6. Every time I see a dandelion, I think of Peeta, and I get so, so happy.

7. Katniss has the best outfit for the opening ceremonies. I mean, she’s on fire. How awesome is that?

8. How do you think they’re going to portray the horrifying scene at the end with the mutant dogs? I don’t think I’m quite ready for those eyes.

9. I can’t wait to see how drunk Woody Harrelson is going to play Haymitch. I hope he’s really funny while still ominous.

10. Yeah, I don’t know how I’m going to wait for the “Catching Fire” movie if it ends the same way the book does.

Hopefully that will be enough to feign knowledge. Seriously, though, you should read these books and/or see the movie to know what we’re actually talking about.

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