4:47: We’re just a few hours away from the 2012 Grammys! Check back here for commentary with a side of snark from Movie/TV Editor Georgie Morvis!

5:52: Who is Sasha Gradiva, why is she wearing guns, and …why is she wearing guns?!

5:55: Rebecca Black is at the Grammys. Arcade Fire who?

5:59: Former Kanye West piece of arm candy Amber Rose is dating Wiz Khalifa. That is like, the biggest downgrade in the history of mankind.

6:27: Nicki Minaj just arrived in some sort of Red Riding Hood-goes-Nun dress, along with the pope. Or something. What.

7:02: And we’re off! Bruce Springsteen giving an opening performance. Bit of a snoozer if we’re being honest. Yes, he’s important, but not exactly the bang-bang-bang opening performance that we’re used to.

7:05: LL Cool J is hosting. I had no idea. Opens with a prayer for his “fallen sister” Whitney Houston. So heartfelt.

7:10: LL Cool J calls Paul McCartney Sir OG. I am never referring to him as anything else other than Sir OG again.

7:08: They show a clip of Whitney performing “I Will Always Love You.” What. A. Voice. A standing ovation.

7:12: Bruno Mars is performing a song that I haven’t heard before. Hopefully Janelle Monae shows up.

7:14: Bruno Mars just swore on national television. I hope there’s a huge fake controversy like with M.I.A..

7:21: Bonnie Raitt and Alicia Keys take the stage. They both look stunning. They perform an Etta James tribute, singing “A Sunday Kind of Love.” Bonnie Raitt is absolutely sublime; Alicia started off shaky but has settled in nicely.

7:24: Adele wins her first Grammy of the show for “Someone Like You” for Pop Vocal Performance. SNL captured the effect of that song best in their skit.

7:26: Chris Brown is performing, and I would just like to remind everyone that he is a woman beater who should not be on the stage.

7:27: I have never heard this song. Chris Brown should be banned from the Grammys for life. The end. Uh. The stage is cool?

7:28: BREAKING: Chris Brown’s stupid dance thing lasted longer than the tribute to Etta James. That is disgusting, Grammys.

7:30: Oh, it’s Beautiful People. I have heard this song. PS: Chris Brown is a woman beater.

7:36: After commercial, Fergie and Marc Anthony present Best Rap Performance to OTIS BY KANYE AND JAY-Z, who aren’t there, because if you didn’t hear Beyonce just had a baby named Blue Ivy Carter.

7:37: REBA MCENTIRE TAKES THE STAGE! Apparently only to introduce Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson, who sing their duet, Don’t You Wanna Stay.

7:40: I’m a Jason Aldean fan, but he doesn’t sound too great. Kelly sounds good, but then again, she did win a live singing competition, so it’s expected. Also, this duet is pretty average in terms of power country duets. Remind Me by Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley is better. Also I’m pretty sure Aldean’s mic just cut out. WHAT. Good work, Grammys.

7:48: Jack Black introduces Foo Fighters, makes fun of Bon Iver. Foo Fighters play, my television is muted.

7:52: AND IT GOES STRAIGHT TO COMMERCIAL AFTER THAT? Thanks for nothing, Grammys.

7:57: Rihanna and Coldplay perform together. She starts with a little acoustic We Found Love. And then the beat drops and it is really awesome and where did all these dancers come from?!

7:59: STILL NO COLDPLAY.

8:01: They played all of We Found Love before going into Princess of China. Chris Martin is playing guitar. Uh oh. Sit down, Chris Martin. At a piano or something. You’re so funny in motion.

8:02: Where is the rest of Coldplay?

8:03: Oh there they are! And Chris Martin is singing Paradise. And sitting at a piano. Much better.

8:12: NY Giants (and Super Bowl champs) Victor Cruz, Mario Manningham, and that stupid Zooey-lite girl from NCIS come out to present Best Rock Performance. Cruz salsas, of course. The coolest part of this category was finding out that The Decemberists were nominated for a Grammy! Foo Fighters win, of course. Instant mute!

8:16: Another SNAFU, as the voiceover lady introduces Ryan Seacrest while Foo Fighters are still giving a speech. Good work. Seacrest introduces The Beach Boys, who are performing with Maroon 5 and Foster the People.

8:18: This is pretty awful, Maroon 5. They’re singing Little Surfer Girl but I can only hear the backup singers.

8:20: They toss it over to Foster the People. The frontman looks terrified but he sounds good.

8:22: And now the Beach Boys actually sing. They are so old. They’re playing Good Vibrations, and this is my chance to reference Lost.

8:23: Seriously, Grammy sound people, TURN THE LEAD MIC UP.

8:24: Adam Levine isn’t even bothering singing into his mic anymore. That was a pretty… weird tribute. Maroon 5 sounded awful. Beach Boys sounded better and they’re like… 80 years old. Get it together, Adam Levine. Also poor Foster the People guy, nobody is gonna talk about how average you were because everyone is in shock that Adam Levine sucked.

8:31: Something about Trustees Awards. Steve Jobs gets a posthumous one.

8:31: Stevie Wonder is on stage, and he gets an instant standing O. He mentions Whitney. And he plays a Beatles song on the harmonica. And it is totally awesome. He then sings through his intro for Paul McCartney. You know, Sir OG. And Diana Krall and Joe Walsh too.

8:33: Sir OG looks remarkably like a parakeet. And sings something about a valentine. He sounds great.

8:36: Common and Taraji P. Henson (who looks incredible) salute Gil Scott-Heron and then present Best R&B Album. Please let it go to anyone but Chris Brown.

8:38: NO IT WENT TO CHRIS BROWN WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS WOMAN BEATER ON STAGE

8:39: The Civil Wars introduce Taylor Swift. And I enjoy it way more than I will enjoy Taylor Swift’s performance.

8:41: Taylor Swift has to realize the irony of performing Mean in front of the Grammys when they literally give her every award ever, right? They aren’t your critics, honey.

8:44: Taylor Swift has to have the biggest victim-complex in the history of mankind. Paging Kanye West.

8:51: Neil Patrick Harris comes on to present Song of the Year. The funniest part is how fast the voiceover lady has to read all the nominees. To no one’s surprise, Adele wins for Rolling in the Deep. Adele is still really cute. Can’t wait for her performance.

8:53: Apparently every movie LL Cool J had Kate Beckinsale in it. So he didn’t see any of the Oscar nominees. They introduce Katy Perry. Who performs E.T.. Which is not her current single. So uh. I don’t know why she’s doing it either.

8:54: And then in the middle of the performance “everything goes wrong” and Katy Perry goes into a ballad. That is probably about how she just got a divorce. She’s actually never sounded better.

8:56: I’m gonna assume she’s lip syncing, cause I am actually enjoying this a lot.

8:57: And Miranda Lambert, my favorite spunky country start comes out with Dierks Bentley. She’s married to one of the nominees (Blake Shelton). Taylor Swift didn’t win! I predicted the spoiler right! Thank goodness for Lady Antebellum!

8:59: Where is your surprised face now, Taylor?

9:05: Goop Queen Gwyneth Paltrow introduces Adele in her FIRST PERFORMANCE SINCE SURGERY. I might cry.

9:07: She’s performing Rolling in the Deep and she sounds amazing. Predictably so, but I’m thanking her doctors too right now.

9:10: At this point she’s just showing off. Best performance of the night so far. Raucous standing ovation, and a deserved one of that.

9:16: Taylor Swift is back to introduce the tribute to Glen Campbell, country legend. But ADELE.

9:18: The Band Perry is up first, and I am in a constant state of being upset that their most famous song is so bad, but the band are so good. Check out Independence if you consider yourself a country fan.

9:20: Blake Shelton performs too. This is all pretty great.

9:22: And now Glen Campbell is on for “Rhinestone Cowboy.” This is a pretty amazing performance for someone who just got diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I can’t help but be a little sad at that. This is a great way to say goodbye before your retirement, though. Paul McCartney is enjoying it, too.

9:31: Tony Bennett and Carrie Underwood perform “It Had to Be You”. Someone mention Amy Winehouse for goodness’ sake. Body and Soul was SO GOOD. And I miss Amy. I miss her a lot.

9:34: Bon Iver win Best Artist. After all the things he said this week about the Grammys, I’m surprised Justin Vernon is even there. Paging Carles of Hipster Runoff. He gives a pretty good acceptance speech but it’s generally awkward. Also “sweet hookup” is the best way to describe getting a Grammy ever.

9:36: Oh good, the President of the Grammys. The most boring part of the Grammys (other than Foo Fighters).

9:40: And now the In Memoriam segment. Oh, Amy. Oh, Etta. Oh, Whitney. Oh, Heavy D. Steve Jobs. Clarence Clemons. Wow.

9:43: And Jennifer Hudson is on to sing I Will Always Love You for Whitney. Tears will be coming pretty fast now.

9:46: Flawfree. RIP Whitney. We truly will always love you, and your voice.

9:49: Uh, did they leave Etta James and Don Cornelius out of the In Memoriam video? That’s just unacceptable.

9:51: I’m actually really pissed off that they’re going from a flawless Whitney Houston tribute to CHRIS BROWN.

9:53: That is the worst scheduling in the history of awards shows. Lil Wayne and Foo Fighters and Deadmau5 and David Guetta dance thing? Whatever.

9:55: Who in the world wants Foo Fighters more than once?

9:57: This is longer than the Whitney Houston tribute. This is longer than the Etta James tribute. This is longer than the NONEXISTENT Amy Winehouse tribute. Also it’s weird that they didn’t get Skrillex for this cause uh, he actually won Grammys tonight.

10:05: Drake introduces Nicki Minaj, whose performance we are apparently going to be talking about tomorrow. She’s in a confessional booth doing the beginning of Roman’s Revenge. And it just said The Exorcism of Roman. What?

10:07: I think I will be talking about this tomorrow, actually. She’s trying to outGaga Gaga. Also is this a new song? Props for that, I guess?

10:09: Nicki needs to just stick to her really fast and clever rap thing. Her verse on Monster is legendary, but this is… sort of strange.

10:11: Last year’s winners Lady Antebellum get on stage to present Record of the Year to Queen Adele.

10:19: Diana Ross, Lifetime Achievement Winner, comes onstage to present Album of the Year. And it goes to Adele, for 21. Of course. She should have stayed on the stage. 2011 was truly the Year of Adele.

10:24: And Paul McCartney, Sir OG, closes the show. Would it really have been too much to ask for another Adele performance?

10:26: Overall, I feel like Adele and Jennifer Hudson were flawless vocally, and that was about it. Pretty bad show overall. But at least Adele is back.